Book Review: A Single Revolution-Don’t Look for a Match. Light one. by Shani Silver

We’re one week away from Valentine’s Day. Women everywhere have dreams of receiving roses and chocolates from their significant other. They hope for a romantic dinner, and maybe something sparkly from Tiffany’s or for those less flush with cash, Zales.

But Valentine’s Day can be pretty brutal for the single ladies whos romantic life is looking a bit barren. Sure, plenty of women will celebrate “Galentine’s Day” of February 13th thanks to the popular sitcom Parks and Recreation. And some women may choose to treat themselves to a dozen long-stemmed roses. But despite all that, even women confident in their singlehood can feel like they are less this time of year.

Writer and podcasterShani Silver feels our pain. She, too, has been desperate to be in a relationship. She’s has gone on a lot of dates, she’s has friends set her up, she’s spent lots of time on dating apps, has had some not so good boyfriends (and ones who were great, but not the one). All of this has left her pretty frustrated. Is it better to embrace singleness and not focus so much on being in a relationship 24/7? Silver discusses this in her book A Single Revolution. Don’t Look For a Match. Light One.

There is no of advice aimed at single women, especially heterosexual women, on how to get and keep a man. Books like The Rules, He’s Just Not That Into You, and Suzanne Venker’s odious How To Get Married, which I reviewed several years ago, all give conflicted and often women-shaming advice on how to nab Mr. Right. There are podcasts and websites filled with advice, too. And spare me all the so-called dating and relationship coaches who consider themselves experts even though their expertise seems nebulous at best.

Silver is not of the mind that single people rule, and coupled people drool. She completely understands the desire to find love. She wants to find love. What Silver is championing is the idea that women would feel they’re fine being single. There is nothing wrong with being single.

In A Single Revolution, Silver fully admits she’s been through it all when it comes to the pursuit of love and relationships. As mentioned, she’s been a lot of blind dates. Friends and family have set her up with the “perfect guy” for her. And she spent plenty of time trying to find love using dating apps. Silver also got bombarded with advice like “Don’t be so picky. Lower your standards” and “Don’t worry, sweetie. You’ll find him when you least expect it.” I bet some of the women reading this review have done the same things and have received the same advice. Yet, getting a ring and ending up at The Chapel of Love.

All of this made Silver feel like a total loser in a world that puts marriage and coupledom on a pedestal. But Silver decided not to browbeat herself, and instead change the framework about being single. She stopped making dating her job. She quit the dating apps. And she began to focus on other things in her life that brought her joy.

Things for Silver began to get a better. She’s still open to love. But now that she hasn’t made that her sole focus, she’s less stressed out, and her world has opened up to new possibilities in her life (like her podcast and this book). She calls out the well-meaning people who force their advice on single people. And she calls out the dating apps for being more about making money than you finding your one and only. So if you got Bumble on Tinder on your smart phone you might want to delete them.

A Single Revolution fully articulates what so many women have gone through when it comes to the dating scene. (One caveat-Silver has written A Single Revolution from the point of view of a cisgender, straight woman). A lot of what Silver talks about in this book is very relatable and will validate a lot of the things so many of us women have been through. And though it is easy to be cynical, I finished reading A Single Revolution feeling hopeful. Being single can open so many new possibilities in one’s life, and we can still be open to love. In fact, it just might help us find the one, and if not, that’s perfectly okay.

Book Review: Love People, Use Things: Because the Opposite Never Works by Joshua Fields Milburn & Ryan Nicodemus

I have to admit when I came across Love People, Use Things by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, I had never heard of them. Millburn and Nicodemus are known as The Minimalists. They have a website, podcast, films, and a book. Apparently, these two have helped people live with less and lead lives with intention. Love People, Use Things is their latest book.

Now, unless you’re a complete sociopath, you can probably get behind the idea of loving people and using things. It’s a good concept to consume less, pare down, and strive to live a more meaningful life. Will Love People, Use Things help you? of

Well, yes…and no.

Love People, Use Things is a mixture of memoir (mostly by Millburn), self-help, and how-tos (mostly from Nicodemus). It is divided into seven distinct relationships dealing with stuff, truth, self, values, money, creativity, and people.

Now this book should have been helpful to anyone trying to find more meaning through strengthening relationships and decreasing one’s addiction to having things. Sadly, I found Love People, Use Things to be lacking.

For one thing, Millburn’s memoir is so extensive, it often drowns out the important how-tos. Millburn just rambles on and on. And I really could live without him relaying a racist joke his mom made during his youth and how he cheated on his wife with a nurse taking care of his mom when she was dying of cancer. Eww.

Another quibble I have is with much of the self-help aspect. I found it preachy and tone-deaf when it came to issues of mental health. I know from personal experience eating well and working out are good things, but they are not a cure-all for depression.

Plus, for guys who claim to be minimalists, the book is written is a maximalist style. The writing is overwrought and uses to many fifty dollar SAT words. It became eye-rolling. Also, both Millburn and Nicodemus are writing from a place of privilege, which I found condescending and ignorant with those not as privileged.

Sure, loving people and using things is a great notion, but you’re best ignoring this book and seeking other outlets and venues on minimalism.

Book Review: More Than a Woman by Caitlin Moran

British writer Caitlin Moran writes about the female condition in such a relatable way. Whether it’s work, family, sex, culture, and the process of getting older, Moran feels your pain, your joy, and your anger. And she’s written about all of this in her latest book of essays, More Than a Woman.

In More Than a Woman, Moran writes about how when a woman reaches a certain age, let’s say her forties, she becomes more of a woman. And let me tell you; she has a lot to deal with!

Moran divides More Than a Woman into 21 distinct chapters, or hours. These hours include the hour of married sex, the hour of physical acceptance, the hour of “what about men,” and the hour of demons. Moran also catalogues the issues of housework, parenting, aging, self-help, and all-around bad times. I wouldn’t be surprised if women read these passages and nod their heads in recognition.

More Than a Woman is painfully funny and at times quite painful. Moran is brutally honest in telling about her daughter’s battles with an eating disorder and mental health issues. This tale is both heartbreaking and hopeful in the end.

And when Moran discusses patriarchy, she is convincing on how it also harms men. A while back via Twitter, Moran asked the guys out there what are the downsides to being a man. The answers are both shocking and thought-provoking. Guess what? There a men out there who would like to receive flowers. And many men wish they had as men clothing options as women. Who knew?

More Than a Woman is a mixture of memoir, manifesto, and self-help. I really appreciated Moran’s take on the need of a Women’s Union. Yes, please!

More Than a Woman is silly, serious, and truth-teller. Moran celebrates womanhood, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Book Review: Project Bold Life-The Proven Formula to Take on Challenges and Achieve Happiness and Success by Edward M. Kopko

Self-help books can be a bit tricky. Some truly go the extra mile to help people cope with whatever issues they may have, and others cause more problems or aren’t quite what the reader needs.

But needs are subjective. And Edward M. Kopko’s book Project Bold Life: The Proven Formula to Take on Challenges and Achieve Happiness and Success.

Edward M. Kopko is a CEO and publisher. He has been published in several publications including Forbes and the Wall Street Journal. His desire to have others live bold lives is one thing that inspired him to write Project Bold Life. Much of this book was inspired by not only his life, but the life of others whether they were titans of business or people who lived simpler lives but still succeeded. And many of these people had to overcome obstacles and hardships like many of us.

In Project Bold Life Kopko informs the reader on how to define certain goals, both personally and professionally, and then organize them into actionable plans that are practical and will help the reader achieve a bold life as one desires.

Project Bold Life is divided into three sections, which include:

Section One: Living a Bold Life
Section Two: Living Bold, Finding Your Passion, and Success
Section Three: Are Your Ready for a Bold Life?

Kopko also gives us 33 reasons why we will want to live a bold life. Some of the reasons are:

1. Makes you happier
2. You will be resilient in the face of adversity
3. Your life will have a sense of purpose
4. A bold life with bold goals achieved makes you feel accomplished and content
5. Living a bold life is a great life!

Interspersed through Project Bold Life are stories of every day people who overcame adversity to achieve various goals and are now living very bold lives. Many of theses stories are quite inspiring and often relatable. However, I could have done without reading about Amy “Tiger Mom” Chua. To me, she doesn’t so much live a bold life as a bitchy life.

But, I disgress.

Project Bold Life advises the readers on goal-setting, planning, and achieving. I’m sure much of Kopko’s advice will be familiar to you if you’ve read other books on defining, planning, and achieving various goals. But I’m sure most of his advice will resonate with most readers who want to improve their lives. Just keep in mind, that your goals are yours. And don’t compare your goals with others. You have to define what is important to you and move from there.

And to help readers achieve their individual goals, Project Bold Life provides various worksheets in the appendix. You an also access the projectboldlife.com website to learn more and take tests on where you are in achieving certain goals whether they have to do with relationships, work, or your health.

For the most part, I appreciated Project Bold Life. It’s a well-researched and interesting primer on putting your goals into action.

Book Review: Heartbreak Sucks-How to Get Over Your Break Up in 30 Days by Jared Woods

Heartbreak is never fun. But it is something most of us have been through. And if you haven’t, what are you? A unicorn?

Jared Woods doesn’t claim to be a therapist or a relationship expert. He’s just an average bloke from the UK who has dealt with a broken heart and has lived to tell the tale. Woods has find ways to heal his heartbreak and move on. And he’s willing to share his advice on how to get over a broken heart in his book Heartbreak Sucks: How to Get Over Your Breakup in 30 Days.

Though Woods tells us to read his book any way we want, he does advise reading a chapter every morning over 30 days, and let what you read marinate in your brain. He suggest we find fun ways to implement his advice and do what we can do on any given day. Woods understands that some advice might not sit right with the with the reader and some may connect. That’s okay. Everyone is different.

Now, I haven’t had my heart broken in the romantic sense lately. But I think 2020 was a very heartbreaking year, and many of us are still struggling in the aftermath. So I read this book and found Woods advice to be thoughtful and practical.

The first task Woods wants you to implement is “Break Down and Be Pathetic.” Yes, it’s okay to cry, curse the world, and wallow in self-pity. You’re human, and you’re allowed to fall apart.

Other advice and tasks Woods offers include, cutting the offender off, extending your circle of help, fix yourself up and look sharp, get into a good routine, design your ideal lover, and realize success is the best revenge ever. And as we come to close, Woods tells us it’s time to make peace with our ex and move on. It’s time to stay good-bye. And who knows? Maybe you will find true love that will last forever the next time around.

And interspersed throughout this book are cute little illustrations and quotes on heartbreak by the likes of Oscar Wilde, Martin Luther King, Jr., Lady Gaga, Wayne Gretzky, and Ann Landers.

I really did like Heartbreak Sucks. Woods writes in a place of empathy and kindness. He doesn’t berate the reader. He’s been there, done that, and written a book. I think Heartbreak Sucks is an ideal book and loving guide on getting over any type of heartbreak.

Book Review: Cheat Sheets For Life-Over 750 Hacks for Health, Happiness and Success by Ayesha Ratnayake

When it comes to our relationships, work, health, or well-being as a whole, we often look for ideas and advice to improve our lives. And we like advice that cuts to the chase and is brief, but helpful.

So that’s why I was interested in reading Ayesha Ratnayake’s book Cheat Sheets for Life: Over 750 Hacks for Health, Happiness, and Success.

Ratnayake has been an avid reader since she was a child. And she credits her father for encouraging her to read non-fiction. This led her to be curious on various topics, including how to make our lives more manageable.

Cheat Sheets for Life is divided into 18 chapters on topics like everyday happiness, parenting, work, leadership, and green living. Under each topic are sub-topics with hacks you can implement on any issue that perplexes you and you may need some helpful guidance.

Cheat Sheets for Life is a book that can be read from beginning to end or read by subject. Having issues with insomnia, I was definitely interested in the hacks on getting a good night’s sleep. I’m also proud to say there are some hacks I already use like meditation.

Cheat Sheets for Life is written in a down-to-earth and audience-friendly style. Ratnayake is personable and empathetic. And Ratnayake didn’t just come up with these hacks. She put a lot of effort on researching these hacks. She even provides resources at the end of the book.

I found Cheat Sheets for Life to be a very informative and beneficial book. I’m sure my readers will, too.

Book Review: Hazard-Change Your Life or Love It Now by Onofrei Cosmin

We think we are in control of our lives and our destiny. But are we?

Romanian author Onofrei Cosmin examines this idea in his book Hazard: Change Your Life or Love It Now.

We’re constantly on the road to self-improvement. We think if we read the right self-help book or follow certain rules our lives will get much better. We’ll land the killer job, find long lasting love, and achieve the perfect physique. And once we obtain these things, our lives will be pretty darn perfect.

Hmmm, really?

After a brief introduction, Cosmin goes into further detail of Hazard’s premise in 15 brief, informative chapters.

These chapters go into concepts like using fear to liberate oneself, accepting our destiny, the importance of the company we keep, and how comfort, boundaries, and safety are imperative for a good life.

I’m not sure what to think of this book. At times I found it a bit pretentious and repetitive. It might have worked better as a article or a white paper for a mental wellness journal. There is a chapter called “Love and Hurt” aimed at women and the mistakes the ladies make when it cones to relationships. Hey, what about men? They make plenty of mistakes, too!

Also, I wondered what credentials Cosmin has to act as an authority on such a topic. I couldn’t find one, other than a desire to help people.

And Hazard does indulge in the spiritual, which may bother people who desire something more secular.

However, Hazard does bring up some good points like we’re the company we keep. My life is definitely enriched by my loving friends and family. And it’s better off for kicking some people to the curb.

Despite some of my misgivings, I do believe some people will find solace with Cosmin’s ideas and advice. Cosmin wants to help people find gratitude in their lives. Hazard just might help them do this very thing.

Book Review: Stressed in the US-12 Tools to Tackle Anxiety, Loneliness, Tech Addiction and More by Meg Van Deusen, Ph.D

How do you know when I find a book that informs, inspires, and Impacts me in a positive way? When I fill it with Post-its, highlight certain passages, and write notes in the.margins. And that’s exactly what I’ve done Dr. Van Deusen’s book Stressed In the US.

We live in a nation where people are stressed and stretched to the max. We don’t get enough sleep. We’re addicted to social media yet ache with loneliness.We mindlessly eat, don’t exercise, and are disconnected from nature. Both our physical and mental health are out of whack in a toxic world.

What’s a person to do just to feel a little less stressed?

Well, reading Van Deusen’s book is a good start.

As I’ve mentioned in past book reviews, I’m a bit wary when it comes to self-help books. Some are way too namby pamby and some are too self-righteous. But Van Deusen’s book is one of understanding, research, life experiences (including her own), and a great deal of compassion.

Stressed in the US focuses on defining stress and what stressed us out. Van Deusen goes into deep detail on our attachment to others, dealing with loneliness, overcoming our addictions to technology of all kinds, and how getting more sleep, exercise, and healthier diets can de-stress us and make us feel a whole lot better. And yes, we can have a few indulgences and luxuries every now and then.

And in the final chapter she sums up the 12 tools to living a less we can use to combat stress which include things like making eye contact with others to getting back to nature.

I, myself am slowly but surely, working these tools into my daily life. And I forgive myself when I mess up. I hope these tools will help me overcome the past few horrible years. Stressed in the US is a welcome addition to my book shelf and my journey to healing.

“Author! Author!” An Interview with Rotaru Arthur Cristian

Author Bio

“My name is Rotaru Arthur Cristian and I am a 20 years old student at the Academy of Economic Studies in Bucharest, Romania.

I was always very fond of writing and especially reading a lot of stuff on a lot of topics, which allowed me to deepen my knowledge in many different areas of life. One of my favorites was the self-improvement one and this was the beginning of ‘How to get the most out of life’.”

1. What inspired you to write a book?

The main thing that inspired me to write this book was primarily… reading other books. After reading many self-improvement manuscripts and taking notes after each one of them, I realized that even most of them had very good content (especially older ones), none of them was “complete”. Each dived into one aspect or another of this whole “improvement” area, but if you wanted the whole package you had to read the whole library.

2. Please describe your book.

“How To Get the Most Out of Life: The ABC of a Negotiator” is a self-improvement book which has the purpose of helping anyone who wants a positive change in his/her life.

The first thing that should be clarified about it is probably the title, more precisely the word “negotiator”. This book is giving a new meaning to this word, and this is probably the first thing that differentiates it from other books in the same area.

The manuscript goes through the main strategies of negotiation, and then it dives into a bit more advanced topics like body language and specific phrasing and signals.

As stated in the book, it is the maximum amount of useful information in the least amount of pages possible.

My goal while writing this book was to put together all the essential subjects of all the books that I read, thus creating a “beginner guide” to a better life.

Of course, after reading it you may want to deepen your knowledge in one of the subjects treated in my book by reading others which are more concentrated on that specific subject, but nevertheless I think that “How to get the most out of life” is the best starting point in being a better “you”.

3. What is your writing background and experience?

I was fond of writing ever since I was a kid, when I was creating small pieces of poetry and stories, but choosing a math/informatics high school and then following the courses of a cybernetics university didn’t give me the chance to truly cultivate this passion. However, it allowed me to better understand economy and people in general which lead me to write this specific book.

4. What challenges did you face writing this book? How did you deal with them?

I tried to get some feedback on my manuscript but because I am not famous yet it proved pretty hard to find people willing to read it. However, I managed to convince some people (including some directors and university teachers) and their response was very positive. It really boosted my confidence because apart from some minor constructive feedback, most of them were very fascinated.

Probably as any other author, I had my personal challenges while writing my manuscript, but probably the one that took me the most time to solve was the riddle. Yes, this book contains a well thought riddle that is for the smart and curious ones.

5. What has been the response to your book? What do want people to get from your book?

Being a relatively short book, I would love if people could get everything out of it. However, I know that is unlikely to happen, so I guess the core idea that I want people to be stuck with after reading my book is that every person can improve his/her life, no matter their background and social/financial status.

Even if some readers may consider that the things I taught in the book are not suited for their lifestyle (which is highly unlikely), I want them to know that there is always a way to get better. Maybe not my way, but a way.

6. What advice would you give to other writers? What advice were you given?

I think the most important advice that I can give to other writers is to never tell anyone about your manuscript until it is finished. People usually try to come up with new ideas which “fits better” and that is natural, but this is why you want to shape it the way you want, and after that you can ask others for opinions. Personally, I wasn’t given any -personal- advice before writing, because nobody knew I was doing it.

7. What are your future writing plans?

In the future I want to write a few more books on topics that I love and to get my book in front of as many people as possible.

Book Review: Braving the Wilderness-The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown PhD, LMSW

I first head of Dr. Brené Brown when she was mentioned during a sermon at my church, First Union Society of Milwaukee several years ago. Intrigued, I decided to read Brown’s books and check out her now classic TED talk on “The Power of Vulnerability.” I’m now a huge fan of Brown’s work so I was only too happy to read and review Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. *

Braving the Wilderness is about being courageous enough to strip us off all pretenses and face an often critical world being our true, authentic selves. It’s also a reminder that by doing this we might find ourselves standing alone is ways that may make us uncomfortable. To do this Brown gives us four practices to guide us, which include.

1. People are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.
2. Speak Truth to BS. Be Civil.
3. Hold Hands. With Strangers.
4. Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.

After several chapters summing of the context of Braving the Wilderness, which includes stories about Brown’s personal stories of a rough childhood and several notable luminaries, we get into the crux of the book.

The practices Brown advises are clear as can be. We often hate what we don’t know, especially people we deem as “others” so it’s important to move in and get to know then as living human beings. However, sometimes we must speak out when other tell lies, just don’t be a jerk about it. Don’t be afraid to extend a hand to someone you don’t know, and finally have a back bone, a compassionate soul and a heart that is brave enough to survive the rough and wild world out there.

In print, this seems easy, but in actual practice they might be quite difficult. So thank goodness for Brown’s wisdom in imparting her advice throughout Braving the Wilderness using her gifts as a storyteller and academic. She touches on the issues that divide us, but also reflects on issues that unite us.

While reading Braving the Wilderness I often found myself nodding my head, saying to myself, “Yes, I get this. This is my truth!” And at times I was faced with passages that challenged me in ways where I had to put down the book a take several moments to reflect on Brown’s words. I also read passages I wanted to revisit once I finished reading Braving the Wilderness long after I finished it, which is obvious from all the post-it notes I placed in my copy.

I must admit I was a bit hesitant in writing my review of Braving the Wilderness. I was afraid I’d come across an over-enthusiastic fan girl of Brown’s or this review might be more of a marketing piece than a legitimate review. I also didn’t want to give away too much of the book’s content either. It is a book that should be read and savored as personal experience.

Most of all Braving the Wilderness is a very important book in our modern age of “MAGA cap wearing deplorables” and “pussy hat wearing snowflakes.” We are so polarized. Is there a way we can become less “Us vs. Them” and more “We the People?” A very timely book, Braving the Wilderness is just one soothing and wise elixir that might make that possible.

*Braving the Wilderness is currently being sold at the Book Tower in the Common Room at First Unitarian Society of Milwaukee.