Book Review: What About Men?-A Feminist Answers the Question by Caitlin Moran

Journalist, novelist, a former teen-age music critic, Caitlin Moran has been writing about the female experience for years. A self-described feminist, Moran has covered all things girls and women in both her novels and books of collected essays. However, there is one question Moran has been asked by her mostly female audience. That question? “What about men?” For the longest time, Moran has put off answering the question. It wasn’t until her daughters were asking the very same question that Moran was inspired to ask “what about men?’ herself and she decided to do some homework resulting into her latest book, What About Men: A Feminist Answers the Question.

In several unique chapters, Moran covers men and various topics. These include everything from men as young boys to old age. She takes a look at the bodies of men (including their private parts), men’s clothing, the conversations amongst men, and how they view sex and porn. She also looks at the way men talk to women and friendships amongst men. She looks at men through the lens of fatherhood and how men deal with illness. And she also goes down a treacherous path of men and misogyny in the scary world of the on-line manosphere.

To find out the inner-workings of all things men, Moran first turned to her inner-circle, including her husband, Pete. Now, these men are not exactly a diverse group. Like Moran herself, they are mainly white, cis, heterosexual, middle-aged, and middle class. But you’ve got to start somewhere, right?

She asks these men about growing up, what they talk about (or don’t talk about) when they chat amongst in a men-only group, their attitudes about sex and pornography, and their opinions on everything from the clothes they wear to why they neglect their health. And she gets some very interesting answers. For instance, she finds out why men don’t talk about their penises whereas some women will wax on about their vaginas post-birth.

One frightening aspect of the world of men today, is the world of the manosphere. For the uninitiated, the manosphere (which can be found all over the internet) is a cesspool of misogynistic men who see women as servants and cum dumpsters. They are truly threatened by any woman assets herself, is educated, and lives for anything that isn’t in service of a man. Probably the most famous of these knuckle-draggers, is MMA fighter, Andrew Tate. Tate has horrifying views on women, rape, and relationships. And he’s currently under investigation for sex trafficking. However, Tate does have a huge following, especially amongst very confused Gen Z men. Moran, too, is horrified by Tate, but tries to get an inkling of why some young men might be drawn to such a divisive figure. And on a personal note, Tate isn’t exactly the tough guy he purports to be. He actually blocked me on Twitter for saying he has no chin. But let’s go further.

On the issue of men and pornography, a young man shares his tale with Moran of his addiction to porn and how it negatively affected him when it came to dating and relationships. This could be a good warning that not all porn is completely harmless. Your heart breaks for this young man, and you will be comforted that he’s on the path towards healing.

But not is all lost when it comes to men. Yes, there are horrible examples of toxic masculinity like the aforementioned Andrew Tate. Moran looks into men who are admired for positive masculinity and comes up with names like Keanu Reeves and President Barack Obama. For me, I’d like to add names like the late Paul Newman and professor Neil Shyminsky who I follow on TikTok, and always has excellent counter-arguments to the toxicity of the manosphere.

And just as women are imprisoned by what makes a true woman, men are also locked into tropes of what it makes a true man, and how both men and women need to look past these clichés to be true to oneself. At this point, we’re not really talking about the difficulties of being a man in the 21st century in a way that doesn’t bash women and feminism. These things need to change.

Now admittedly, Moran does not go in very deep in What About Men? She is not an academic or a researcher. If you’re looking for a book that goes more in depth on the topic of men, I highly recommend Susan Faludi’s Stiffed: The Betrayal of American Men. Yes, Faludi, the feminist who wrote the classic Backlash: The War Against Women. And at times, Moran can be a wee bit too snarky and UK-oriented. However, I do commend Moran for actually giving a shit about men and their issues. What About Men? isn’t a perfect book, but it is a start. And I hope it can open up a dialogue about men, what they’re going through, and how we can find understanding and empathy between the sexes.

Book Review: I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron

It was such a loss when Nora Ephron died in 2012. Ms. Ephron is mostly known for writing movie scripts for films like Silkwood and the rom com classic, When Harry Met Sally. She was also a director who directed films like You’ve Got Mail and Julie and Julia. Ephron also wrote the novel Heartburn, which was closely based on her messed up marriage to journalist Carl Bernstein and was later made into a movie starring Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep.

But before all that, Ephron was a journalist and she wrote several books filled with essay about the female condition. Her essay, “A Few Words About Breasts” is iconic.

In 2006, Ephron published I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman.” In this book, Ephron opines about entering her dotage and all that getting older entails.

In the opening essay, the same as the title of the book, Ephron is not happy about her neck. A woman can get a face lift and use fancy creams costing 150 bucks. But your wrinkly, spotted neck is going to give away your age, sweetie. Sure, you can complain about your neck. But you can also cover it up with a turtleneck sweater or a pretty scarf.

Ephron continues this theme in her essay “Maintenance.” She muses about all the products we use in order to maintain glossy hair, smooth skin, and a taut body. We need day cream and we need night cream. And don’t forget about eye cream. A long time there was just shampoo. Now my bathroom contains shampoo and conditioner for color treated hair, a deep conditioner, and a color enhancer for my dyed red hair.

Ephron tells us about her time working as an intern in the Kennedy White House. No, she didn’t have an affair with him. He barely noticed her. Ephron is also candid when discussing marriage and the varied stages on parenthood. Ephron talks about finding the perfect apartment and finding the perfect strudel in New York City.

But my one favorite essays in I Feel Bad About My Neck is “Rapture.” No, this isn’t the type of rapture Evangelical Christians warn us about. Ephron was Jewish. I was raised Catholic. We don’t do the rapture. No, instead, Ephron talks about the rapture of reading and finding a treasured book. Being such a great writer, I’m not surprised Ephron was a voracious reader. In “Rapture” talks about her favorite books from childhood onto her adult life.

I Feel About My Neck is a charming, intimate, and quick read. If you are a fan of relatable essays and funny ladies, you should probably pick up I Feel Bad About My Neck. Though unfortunately, Nora Ephron is no longer with us, she had left us a legacy of books and films to treasure.

Revenants-The Odyssey Home by Scott Kauffman

Meet Betsy, the teenage protagonist of Scott Kauffman’s novel Revenants: The Odyssey Home. In the era of the Vietnam War and the turmoil that went along with those days, Betsy is deeply grieving the death of her older brother, Nate, who has lost his life while serving in Vietnam. Betsy goes into a tailspin of depression, acting in ways she knows Nate would never approve of.

Hoping to shake her grief, stay out of trouble, and get some meaning to her life, Betsy volunteers at the local VA hospital. Everyday she is dealing with patients who have witnessed atrocities she can only imagine and dares not think what her brother may have witnessed.

One of these patients is an elderly man, near death, who served in World War I, “The Great War,” as if war can be considered “great.” This gentleman has one wish, to go home to be with his family before he dies.

Betsy decides it is to be her mission to get this man back to his family before he dies even though she knows so little about him. He is a true mystery. However, Betsy isn’t the only one who is interested in this man. So is a crooked politician, Congressman Hanna, who has a great deal of control of this hospital and the small-town in which it is located. Congressman Hanna knows this dying patient’s name and if this man’s name is revealed, Hanna can pretty much say good-bye to his political career and his long marriage.

Betsy is not alone on this odyssey. One person who supports Betsy is her younger brother Bartholomew who shares her grief over the loss of Nate and offers her encouragement. And then there is aspiring newspaper reporter, Matt, who knows getting this scoop on this elderly veteran and how he is connected to Congressman Hanna would be a definite career change. However, he is there to help Betsy not use her.

Throughout the novel there are twists and turns as Betsy, along with Matt, learns more and more about what about this old man and how it infuriates Congressman Hanna. And there are times when Betsy feels the wrath of Hanna and wonders how it will affect her in the long run. Betsy and Matt’s relationship grows from one that at first strictly professional but soon grows to be a friendship (which a times hints at the romantic).

Interspersed throughout the novel are scenes of Betsy working with other veterans at the hospital and chapters devoted to the elderly veteran what he went through during World War I that were quite chilling indeed. These chapters really got into the crux of what war can do to one singular human being. And Nate’s letters home to Betsy are also a welcome addition. Sure, he’s a teasing older brother but he is also loving and kind towards his little sister.

At the end Revenants, things don’t go exactly as planned and things don’t get wrapped up in a pretty bow. But Betsy does learn one great lesson. She has more power than she originally thinks and if she realizes it she can use these powers to help others as well as herself. She does a lot of growing up during this journey.

For the most part I liked Revenants. Betsy is a heroine who is realistic, at turns a rebellious teen and at others an incredibly brave young woman. Matt is a wonderful support system and I admire his tenacity in getting this important news story together using good old-fashioned gumshoe journalistic tactics (especially in our age of clickbait and “fake news”). As for Congressman Hanna? Well, he is no mustache twirling villain, just sleazy and corrupt. I must admit I rather liked how Hanna was so threatened by a teenage girl and a cub reporter.

I do have a few issues. At times I forgot about Bartholomew and it was odd how Nate’s letters to Betsy there was nary a mention of Bartholomew.

But these issues are minor. For the most part I found The Revenants to be a very relevant novel, and even timeless in the year 2018 when it comes to war, politics, journalism, the plight of our veterans and people’s desire to make a difference.

Moranifesto by Caitlin Moran

It’s probably not a secret that I’m a fan of British pop culture critic, author, feminist and all-around cool British bird Caitlin Moran. Ms. Moran began writing about pop music when she was still a teenager growing up in a struggling family that lived in a council house and later hosted a TV show. Later Moran proved her feminist street cred via her funny, soul-searching, thought-provoking columns on everything from her budding sexuality as a teenager to her challenges combing marriage, child rearing and writing. She also writes about serious issues that affect women (and the men who love them) with the same aplomb she writes about pop culture. I’ve been a fan of hers ever since I picked up to of her earlier books Moranthology and How to Be a Woman. And her novel How to Build a Girl is a must read if you’ve ever been a teen-age girl (or, just human).

So when I found out Moran had released another book of essays, Moranifesto, I did a little jig in my leopard-spot flats and got myself a copy, which I can safely say is another feather in marvelous Ms. Moran’s chapeau! And it’s the perfect feminist elixir in a time of the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief, #marketplacefeminism, Brexit, the sad loss of pop culture icons like Bowie, and a host of other issues that affect women across the big pond and women who live in your neighborhood.

Moranifesto is divided into four distinct parts:

1. The Twenty-first Century—Where We Live
2. The Feminisms
3. The Future
4. Epilogue

In The Twenty-first Century—Where We Live, Moran examines why her utter disdain for the late Margaret Thatcher to her despair over the death of David Bowie. She muses the hatred of her printer (always a letdown for writers on a strict deadline), famous people she has annoyed and taking a rather unpleasant ride through the streets of New York City. Her chapter on her love of bacon will resonate with anyone who thinks bacon is the food of the Gods. And I adored her essay on smells that remind us of childhood—our mother’s perfume, pencil shavings, calamine lotion, puppies, lilac trees—scents that make us a wee bit nostalgic for perceived simpler times when anything and everything seemed possible.

In Feminisms Moran pokes fun at her face, which she describes part potato, part thumb and asks why we have to make everything “sexy?” She implores us to find another word for rape, her support of Hillary Clinton, giving up high heels, the most sexist TV show called “Blachman,” the type of show I hope never makes our shores, and speaking of TV, spends a day with Lena Dunham on the set of “Girls.”

And in part three, Moran looks into her crystal ball to figure out the future. In this batch of musings she claims reading is fierce yet she thinks it’s okay if her children aren’t big readers. She validates the importance of libraries. She also gets serious discussing Syria and refugees. And when she muses about women who mess things up things for the rest of us you might find yourself nodding your head in agreement.

The fourth part of Moranifesto, the epilogue, is brief, yet probably the most important part of the book. The epilogue is a letter to Moran’s daughter Lizzie. In this letter, Moran is dead (yes, a wee bit morbid). Lizzie is about the turn 13 and Moran want to share some advice Lizzie might find useful. Moran tells Lizzie “try to be nice.” Niceness will always shine and bring people to you. Also, keep in mind that when you think you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown have a cup of tea and a biscuit (British term for cookie).

Other sage wisdom, choose friends in which you can be your true self and avoid trying to fix someone or avoid someone who thinks you need fixing. Though it may difficult in our shallow culture with its fixation on women’s outer shell, make peace with your body. Make people think you are amazing conversationalist by asking them questions; what they say might prove useful one day.

And probably the most powerful piece of Moran’s letter to Lizzie can be summed up in the following sentence.

“…life divides into AMAZING ENJOYABLE TIMES and APPALLINGEXPERIENCES THAT WILL MAKE FUTURE AMAZING ANECDOTES.”

True…so true.

Throughout Moranifesto, there are essays that really got under my skin, but I can’t really share why because they are way too personal; and at times, I need to keep certain experiences close to my vest. But to give you a sneak peak, these chapters include:

1. The Rich are Blithe
2. Poor People are Clever
3. Two Things Men Need to Understand About Women
4. How I Learned About Sex
5. Let Us Find Another Find Another Word For Rape

And some other interesting chapters I think a lot of women will find fascinating include:

1. The Real Equality Checklist
2. What Really Gives Me Confidence
3. All the Lists of My Life

So my lads and lasses, grab a cuppa (cup of tea), enjoy some fish and chips (or as we call it here in Wisconsin a Friday night fish fry with French fries), ring up your mates (call your besties), and keep calm and carry on (Netflix and chill). Caitlin Moran is back and better than ever!

P.S. Moran’s sister works at a perfume shop and she let Moran smell the fragrance David Bowie wore and Moran claimed it smelled of pineapple and platinum. Well, I know what pineapple smells like, but what about platinum? What does platinum smell like? I suppose it smells cool and metallic. But this Bowie were talking about. I bet it smells warm and ever ch, ch, ch, changing to whatever we desire. For me this would smell of a special amber oil in my possession, vanilla as I pour it into some cookie batter, a match after I blow it out, the lavender growing in a mug on my window sill, freshly made bread, the pages within a book, my mother’s chicken soup, and yes, bacon.

Book Review: I’ll Take You There by Wally Lamb

I first became familiar with Wally Lamb when I read his novel She’s Come Undone many moons ago. It was an Oprah’s Book Club pick, and though I’m usually not subservient to the Big O’s charms, I decided to read Mr. Lamb’s novel and really liked it. I was delightfully surprised a man could write a female character with such understanding, richness and depth. Now years later, I am not surprised a male writer can do this, just as I’m not surprised a female writer can write a male character with the same talent and skill. All it takes is some common sense and some empathy, which are traits of good writers.

But I digress…

Now Lamb is back with his latest novel I’ll Take You There, which features one Felix Funicello, who was first introduced in Lamb’s early work Wishin’ and Hopin’.

Felix Funicello (yes, he is related to the late Annette Funicello) is a film scholar. He has an affable relationship with his ex-wife Kat and is quite close with his daughter Aliza who is a feminist-minded writer for New York Magazine.

On Monday nights, Felix hosts a Monday night film discussion group at an old vaudevillian theatre where he shows films from Hollywood’s earliest days.  There are tales that old film legends haunt the dusty nooks and crannies of this old theater, but Felix figures that just a bunch of silliness until one night he is visited by the ghost of silent movie director Lois Weber and film star Billie Dove.

At first, Felix thinks he’s going a bit nuts as most of us would if ghosts visited us. But soon Lois Weber is taking him on a nostalgic journey of both the heartbreak and bliss of Felix’s childhood.
It is during this celluloid journey where Felix relives memories that at times are trivial and silly. But he also comes to grips with one memory that seared the very psyche of the Funicello family.

One of Felix’s earliest memories is of watching the Disney move Pinocchio with his older sisters Frances and Simone. From this moment, Felix is hooked on movies and everything related to cinema and Hollywood. And somehow just knows the movies will impact him long before the final credits of Pinocchio scroll on the movie screen before him.

Another early memory for a wee Felix is the Rheingold Beer search for a spokesmodel. Now remember, this is 1950s Brooklyn. You can’t vote for your favorite Rheingold Beer candidate via social media and the company’s website. You have to vote via a ballot box, and the winner gets a host of goodies and the possibility of fame and riches, how exciting! The Funicello children take it upon themselves to hustle up some votes for their favorite candidate Dulcet Tone, who they know better as Shirley Shishmanian, a local neighborhood gal. Miss Shishmanian changes her name because Shishamanian is way too ethnic, too Armenian. I have to admit this made me giggle considering today it’s a Kardashian world, and we just live in it.

But darker times loom for Felix and his family. Frances develops a serious eating disorder that throws the Funicello’s into a distressing episode of confusion, despair and hopelessness. Felix also learns the truth about Frances’ birth, which involves a ne’er do well uncle and a fallen southern belle.

And then there is Felix in the present. Just as his past is unfolding before him, his daughter Aliza is dealing with pressing issues, both professional and personal. One issue includes writing about the Rheingold Beer model search, a topic she finds rather unsettling as a committed feminist. However, the feature she does write is not one of self-indulgent finger-wagging. It is well-researched and nuanced and I really enjoyed reading it. She also makes decisions regarding her personal life that will bring true joy to both herself and her parents.

Once again Wally Lamb has written a novel that is both thought-provoking and just a satisfying read. I’ll Take Your There, does just that, takes you there, which means in my case, reminds me why I love books so much.

Book Review: Romany and Tom by Ben Watt

There comes a time when we are forced to see our parents as actual human beings, and not just our parents. And we also have to face the fact our parents are getting older and will soon leave us with nothing but memories. Musician, songwriter and author Ben Watt not only experiences both these issues but writes about them in his memoir Romany and Tom.

Without a doubt most music fans have heard of the multi-talented Mr. Watt. Along with his wife, Tracey Thorn, he been at the helm of the pop duo Everything But the Girl for several decades. But he is also an immensely gifted writer. His earlier memoir Patient, Watt chronicled his near-death struggle with Chugg-Strauss syndrome. Now his focus is on his parents, and what a tale he has to tell.

When God made Romany and Tom Watt, he definitely broke the molds. Tom Wattwas a charming rascal, a jazz musician and band leader who enjoyed a brief but notable amount of success until pop and rock began to steal the aural leanings of the listening public.

Romany was a Shakespearean actress who later turned her talents to writing becoming a notable journalist chronicling the gossipy going-ons of various celebrities. She was also a fallen woman, a divorcee, who had three children before she met and married Tom and had Ben.

Romany and Tom begins just as Watt’s parents are facing the inevitable-the end of their lives. In rich detail, Watt describes the phsyical and mental frailties of Romany and Tom, the slips and falls in the bathroom that leaves the elder Mr. Watt badly hurt and Romany completely befuddled on how to call for an ambulance. While reading these passages, I could actually envision these two once hale and hearty people decaying and feeling a great deal of empathy towards them and Watt as he attended to their care.

While dealing with his parents Watt also had to come into terms with his own rather less than orthodox childhood and his parents’ odd marriage. Sure, to a woman like myself, Watt’s childhood seemed positively glamorous! His father was a musician and his mum got to hang out with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton (and got paid to do it). But to young Ben, it was just a part of life in the Watt household. His parents also faced career setbacks and perished dreams, which often put a damper on the Watt household vibe, particularly the Watt marriage.

And it is once Romany and Tom are older that it is not just their physical and mental states the younger Watt has to deal with, it’s also their feelings for each other. Let’s just say it’s much easier to herd cats than it is to manage the tangled web of anger, love, sadness and other emotional entanglements of marriage that is not one’s one. But somehow Watt does it without puffing himself as a hero or making a himself a martyr. It’s just a part of life. There is pain, but there is also beauty in a reality a majority of us will face (if we’re not facing it already).

To say this memoir was at time a difficullt and an uneasy read is putting it mildly. At times I had to put Romany and Tom down because it made me face the concept and brutal certainty of getting older. And I know it must have been very difficult for Watt to face the demise of his larger than life parents swallowed up by the physical and mental dessication that occurs duing the twilight of one’s lives.

Yet, Ben never expresses pity towards his parents, nor does he wallow in pity for himself and his parental predicament. Romany and Tom is both beautifully truthful and truthfully beautiful, and once again, Watt proves to be a masterful writer of both music and memoirs. I can only imagine what other books Watt might write in the future. And I hope he does. In an age where D-listers and reality show cretins get book deals, it is comfort to have a celeb that actually deserves one. Bravo, Ben, bravo!