From Jane Austen to Dorothy Parker to Carrie Bradshaw to the sex-drenched pages of Cosmopolitan magazine, women having always been writing about the female predicament when it comes to romance and sex. Whether you’re earning for Mr. Right or navigating a one-night-stand, it’s very likely a woman wrote about these things.
One of these women, was the late Cynthia Heimel. Heimel was born in 1947 and moved to New York City after being raised in Philadelphia. She wrote for publications like The New York Times, New York Magazine, and The Village Voice (she even had a stint at Penthouse). Sure, she was the glamorous girl about town, but she also dealt with divorce and struggles as a single mom, which she wrote about with honesty and humor.
Heimel called herself a feminist, and she proved feminists could be funny, sexy, and love men (though at times she found them perplexing). She regarded us ladies as fully-actualized human beings, not merely just tits, butts, and pussy. Her writing trampled on the tired tropes of women being either pure Madonnas or trashy harlots. Heimel was pretty much one of the coolest dames in the universe.
Heimel came of age during the advent of the Pill, the sexual revolution and second wave feminism. All of these things influences her as a talented and accomplished sexpert/humorist mash-up.
I had read plenty of Heimel’s books back in the 1990s and loved them. I considered Heimel to be the cool as shit auntie I wish I had. Yet, I had never read her iconic 1983 debut Sex Tips for Girls. I was only familiar with it because someone read passages from it at a party I attended ages ago. I decided to dust off and read an ancient copy of Sex Tips for Girls and share my review on what would have been Heimel’s 76th birthday.
In the opening chapter, “Who Are We?,” Heimel questions the state of being a woman in the early 1980s, the Reagan years when many hippies were turning into yuppies and more conserved with corner office than food co-ops and stock options were more important than “sticking it to the Man!” But Heimel’s words due ring true 40 years later. Should we be activists? Should we purse a rich man? Should we eat natural foods?
Other chapters in Sex Tips for Girls cover topics like “The Great Boyfriend Crunch,” Sex and the Single Parent,” “Lingerie Do’s and Don’ts” and “How to Cure a Broken Heart.” None of these topics would look out of place in a women’s magazine or dating manual in 2023. Heimel also offers various sex tips like don’t point and laugh at a gentleman’s penis. For some reason, dudes have a problem with this.
However, there are some parts of the book that need to be left in the 1980s-like totally eschewing condoms. Granted, back in the early 1980s, AIDS was considered a gay man’s disease. It was a few years later, the straights started to take AIDS very seriously. Also, keep in mind, Sex Tips for Girls is aimed at women who are cisgender and straight.
And of course, there have been a lot of changes since Sex Tips for Girls was released 40 years ago. We’ve seen the rise of the internet, social media, and dating apps, all have which influenced the way men and women relate to each other (and it’s not always pretty).
I wish Heimel was still with us. She died in 2018 and according to reports she had dementia. It’s so sad her kick ass brain affected by something so horrific. I would love to get Heimel’s take on the #MeToo movement, a former president who bragged about grabbing women by their genitals, and the odious Moms for Liberty. And what would she think about tradwives and Only Fans, not too mention there are people on the internet who think those are the only two types of women out there, and don’t realize there is a huge group of wonderful women between those two extremes.
So go back in time and read “Sex Tips for Girls” for both the nostalgia and how it relates to sex, relationships and dating in 2023.
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