Retro Review: Sex and the City by Candace Bushnell

When the iconic television show “Sex and the City” premiered on HBO back in 1998, it was groundbreaking. It followed four career women in Manhattan as they traversed the world of love, sex, friendship, and careers. “Sex and the City” made cosmopolitans the must-have drink and gave us terms like “funky spunk,” “frenemy,” and “he’s just not that into you.” Those like me, who live in flyover country, learned about Magnolia cupcakes and the perfect Manolo Blahnik stilettoes. At times, brazen, bawdy, and over the top, “Sex and the City” entertained countless women (and some men-mostly gay). We took quizzes to find out if we were a “Carrie,” “Samantha,” “Miranda” or “Charlotte.” We were either Team Mr. Big or Team Aiden. And maybe if our lives didn’t exactly mirror the dames of “Sex and the City,” we reveled in these ladies’ adventures and adored their girl power friendship. We also salivated of the fashion and the sights of Manhattan.

But before “Sex and the City” was a television show, it was a book, written by The New York Observer columnist, Candace Bushnell. Considering it is the 25th anniversary since “Sex and the City” debuted, and its sequel “And Just Like That” wrapped up its second season, I decided to finally read the book that started it all back in 1996.

Bushnell, who was a glamorous girl-about-town and writer, wrote about the sex lives of people she knew from 1994-1996. In this book, you will find some familiar names-Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte, Stanford Blatch, and yes, Mr. Big. However, most of them don’t work in the same careers the characters and after reading Sex and the City, aren’t nearly as compelling as those on the show.

For the most part, the people Bushnell writes about in Sex and the City are rather unlikeable. Sure, on the show Carrie worked my last nerve with her self-absorption and obsession with Mr. Big. But I kept in mind Carrie Bradshaw was just a fictional character. For the most part, I got wrapped up on the story lines of the television show, actually caring about the adventures of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda. Even when they bugged me, I still was interested in their lives and I adored the friendship among these four women.

But in the book version of Sex and the City everyone is so shallow obsessed with status, materialism, and getting laid. And according to Bushnell, these stories were based on real people in her rarified orbit of wealthy Manhattanites. I didn’t like any of the people she wrote about, and while reading Sex and the City, I wondered how the creators of the TV show give us a program that was a critical and commercial hit and was on HBO for six years. I just couldn’t give a rat’s ass about any of the people Bushnell writes about in Sex and the City. When I wasn’t finding them frivolous and abhorrent (there is a lot of girl-on-girl hate in this book), I was finding them totally forgettable. And I finished the book rather depressed and completely unimpressed. I didn’t find it hilarious and fascinating as the blurbs on the cover claim. I guess I expected more considering I loved the show so much. Perhaps it’s a good thing I never read Sex and the City until now because I’m sure if I did, I would have never watched and enjoyed the show.

Retro Review: Sex Tips for Girls by Cynthia Heimel

From Jane Austen to Dorothy Parker to Carrie Bradshaw to the sex-drenched pages of Cosmopolitan magazine, women having always been writing about the female predicament when it comes to romance and sex. Whether you’re earning for Mr. Right or navigating a one-night-stand, it’s very likely a woman wrote about these things.

One of these women, was the late Cynthia Heimel. Heimel was born in 1947 and moved to New York City after being raised in Philadelphia. She wrote for publications like The New York Times, New York Magazine, and The Village Voice (she even had a stint at Penthouse). Sure, she was the glamorous girl about town, but she also dealt with divorce and struggles as a single mom, which she wrote about with honesty and humor.

Heimel called herself a feminist, and she proved feminists could be funny, sexy, and love men (though at times she found them perplexing). She regarded us ladies as fully-actualized human beings, not merely just tits, butts, and pussy. Her writing trampled on the tired tropes of women being either pure Madonnas or trashy harlots. Heimel was pretty much one of the coolest dames in the universe.

Heimel came of age during the advent of the Pill, the sexual revolution and second wave feminism. All of these things influences her as a talented and accomplished sexpert/humorist mash-up.

I had read plenty of Heimel’s books back in the 1990s and loved them. I considered Heimel to be the cool as shit auntie I wish I had. Yet, I had never read her iconic 1983 debut Sex Tips for Girls. I was only familiar with it because someone read passages from it at a party I attended ages ago. I decided to dust off and read an ancient copy of Sex Tips for Girls and share my review on what would have been Heimel’s 76th birthday.

In the opening chapter, “Who Are We?,” Heimel questions the state of being a woman in the early 1980s, the Reagan years when many hippies were turning into yuppies and more conserved with corner office than food co-ops and stock options were more important than “sticking it to the Man!” But Heimel’s words due ring true 40 years later. Should we be activists? Should we purse a rich man? Should we eat natural foods?

Other chapters in Sex Tips for Girls cover topics like “The Great Boyfriend Crunch,” Sex and the Single Parent,” “Lingerie Do’s and Don’ts” and “How to Cure a Broken Heart.” None of these topics would look out of place in a women’s magazine or dating manual in 2023. Heimel also offers various sex tips like don’t point and laugh at a gentleman’s penis. For some reason, dudes have a problem with this.

However, there are some parts of the book that need to be left in the 1980s-like totally eschewing condoms. Granted, back in the early 1980s, AIDS was considered a gay man’s disease. It was a few years later, the straights started to take AIDS very seriously. Also, keep in mind, Sex Tips for Girls is aimed at women who are cisgender and straight.

And of course, there have been a lot of changes since Sex Tips for Girls was released 40 years ago. We’ve seen the rise of the internet, social media, and dating apps, all have which influenced the way men and women relate to each other (and it’s not always pretty).

I wish Heimel was still with us. She died in 2018 and according to reports she had dementia. It’s so sad her kick ass brain affected by something so horrific. I would love to get Heimel’s take on the #MeToo movement, a former president who bragged about grabbing women by their genitals, and the odious Moms for Liberty. And what would she think about tradwives and Only Fans, not too mention there are people on the internet who think those are the only two types of women out there, and don’t realize there is a huge group of wonderful women between those two extremes.

So go back in time and read “Sex Tips for Girls” for both the nostalgia and how it relates to sex, relationships and dating in 2023.

Book Review: I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron

It was such a loss when Nora Ephron died in 2012. Ms. Ephron is mostly known for writing movie scripts for films like Silkwood and the rom com classic, When Harry Met Sally. She was also a director who directed films like You’ve Got Mail and Julie and Julia. Ephron also wrote the novel Heartburn, which was closely based on her messed up marriage to journalist Carl Bernstein and was later made into a movie starring Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep.

But before all that, Ephron was a journalist and she wrote several books filled with essay about the female condition. Her essay, “A Few Words About Breasts” is iconic.

In 2006, Ephron published I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman.” In this book, Ephron opines about entering her dotage and all that getting older entails.

In the opening essay, the same as the title of the book, Ephron is not happy about her neck. A woman can get a face lift and use fancy creams costing 150 bucks. But your wrinkly, spotted neck is going to give away your age, sweetie. Sure, you can complain about your neck. But you can also cover it up with a turtleneck sweater or a pretty scarf.

Ephron continues this theme in her essay “Maintenance.” She muses about all the products we use in order to maintain glossy hair, smooth skin, and a taut body. We need day cream and we need night cream. And don’t forget about eye cream. A long time there was just shampoo. Now my bathroom contains shampoo and conditioner for color treated hair, a deep conditioner, and a color enhancer for my dyed red hair.

Ephron tells us about her time working as an intern in the Kennedy White House. No, she didn’t have an affair with him. He barely noticed her. Ephron is also candid when discussing marriage and the varied stages on parenthood. Ephron talks about finding the perfect apartment and finding the perfect strudel in New York City.

But my one favorite essays in I Feel Bad About My Neck is “Rapture.” No, this isn’t the type of rapture Evangelical Christians warn us about. Ephron was Jewish. I was raised Catholic. We don’t do the rapture. No, instead, Ephron talks about the rapture of reading and finding a treasured book. Being such a great writer, I’m not surprised Ephron was a voracious reader. In “Rapture” talks about her favorite books from childhood onto her adult life.

I Feel About My Neck is a charming, intimate, and quick read. If you are a fan of relatable essays and funny ladies, you should probably pick up I Feel Bad About My Neck. Though unfortunately, Nora Ephron is no longer with us, she had left us a legacy of books and films to treasure.

The Problem with Everything-My Journey Through the New Culture Wars by Meghan Daum

In her 2019 book, The Problem with Everything: My Journey Through the New Culture Wars, author Meghan Daum takes on a host of topics. These topics include the Trump presidency, feminism in the modern day, cancel culture, and the differences between Gen X and Millennials.

In The Problem With Everything, Daum writes about being a kid in the 1970s, a time of of the TV show Zoom and when girls weren’t forced into the color pink. Things were a bit more unisex back then. She writes about the 1980s, when women were climbing the corporate ladder, yet were admonished as selfish careerists in a time of latchkey kids. And she also covers the 1990s, when she was in college and an intern in New York City. She looks back at these decades and compares them to the modern day. How have things changed? How have things not changed?

One things Daum talks about is the cancellation of people who may have a difference of opinion. She wonders where is the nuance and critical thinking when it comes to various issues. Perhaps, in the day of social media, where one tweet can be misconstrued, this may no longer be the case. Everything is so black and white. Will we ever embrace the gray in-between? Will conservatives and liberals offer each other an olive branch?

When it comes to feminism, Daum thinks it has accomplished most things. And yes, many women are better off than their grandmothers. But we still have a long way to go. She also questions the feminism of Millennials, which can come across as both celebrating victimization and calling oneself a “badass.” We’ve gone from Riot Grrrl to #Girlboss, but what does it mean? I know one, thing. Gen X feminists were also looked down upon back in the 1990s.

Daum also discusses the dissolution of her marriage, the state of the college campus then and now, and how people are afraid of the most mildest of criticism, worried they will be brandished a racist, homophobe, or misogynist. There’s really a lot to unpack these days.

I found Daum’s writing to be enlightening and interesting even though I didn’t agree with her on everything. But she does bring up some very compelling ideas that should provoke debate and discussion. And I wonder what Daum’s take on the issues she she could write about in 2022 in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic, the January 6th insurrection, and the overturn of Roe V. Wade. Perhaps Daum will cover these things in her next book. I know if she does, I will definitely read it.

Book Review: Again. Again and Again-Awakening into Awareness-Essays and Stories by Mathias B. Freese

Having written reviews of two of his earlier works, I was delighted when Mathias B. Freese reached out to me to read and review his latest book Again. Again and Again: Awakening into Awareness-Essays and Stories.

Again. Again and Again is filled with Freese’s mindful and thought-provoking musings on a multitude of topics that often focus on recurrent ideas and themes. This book is divided into three parts and encompasses both essays and stories where a certain man named Matt is the main character. Among these themes include life, death, culture, schooling, love, and one’s place in the universe.

Several of Freese’s works stand out to me. In “Vade Mecum,” Freese behooves his students to think in a deeper level by assigning them a writing exercise about the contents of their refrigerators. Hmm, who knew you could find meaning amongst the milk, leftovers, and condiments?

In “Raymonde,” a young woman describes what it’s like to be in a concentration camp during World War II. She talks about the atrocities in an almost flat affect that is unnerving. Yet, I wonder if this is done as a survival mechanism.

In “Talking to Stellar Root,” Freese writes about the talks with his late wife, the beloved Nina. Ever talking about the minutiae of his daily life comforts Freese. Perhaps Nina is listening somewhere.

And in, “Cro-Magnon,” Freese offers this notable quote, “I don’t think about the future. I don’t think about the past. One is long gone, the other out there where I am not.” This reminds us that instead of obsessing over the past and wondering about the future, we must live in the here and now.

As usual, Freese’s writing is elegant and profound. Again. Again and Again is not a book that merely entertains; it also makes you think. Freese behooves the reader to always be learning and growing no matter your age.

Book Review: Kids in America-A Gen X Reckoning by Liz Prato

Generation X has always been in the shadows. When we were younger, baby boomers grabbed the spotlight and never let go. They still seem to dominate media, business, and politics, especially, politics.

Okay, for a brief moment, sometime in the 1990s, Generation X had a moment to shine. We had grunge, the TV show “Friends,” and that Gap khakis swing commercial. But this moment didn’t last long, and once again, we were in the shadows. Nipping at the heels of our Doc Martens were the more noisy and populous millennials. Raised on Lunchables and participation trophies, millennials wanted to be noticed, and noticed they were. Most of us Gen X-ers went back into the shadows with misty memories of a time when MTV showed actual musical videos. Whatever.

Now for the most, Generation X accepts being ignored, and just goes about doing their thing, whatever that may be. Most of us hate to be defined and we certainly hate to be pigeonholed. No wonder marketers and the workplace ignore us. They just can’t figure us out.

But lately I’ve noticed a lot of Generation X-ers are saying, “Hey, we do exist!” and are creating podcasts, TikTok videos, and Gen X groups on social media. And I think it’s wonderful. Generation X-ers may be hard to figure out, but we have lived unique lives. Maybe it’s time for our stories be heard.

One of those Gen X-ers is writer Liz Prato whose voice should be heard, and she writes about her Generation X experiences in her book Kids in America: A Generation X Reckoning. Kids In America is a very personal collection of essay about coming of age at a particular time (1980s-1990s), and how it affected her as a Gen X-er.

Liz Prato grew up in Denver and graduated from Kent Denver Country Day in 1985, a private prep high school. She admits she grew up with privileges denied others, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t faced any challenges or strife.

In Kids in America, Prato examines issues that were considered verboten when Gen X-ers were kids and coming of age, and writes about them with more clarity and the wisdom that comes with age. These issues include race, rape and sexual assault, mental health, family strife, and the odd messages we got from the pop culture we consumed.

In two separate chapters Prato relays the stories of two of her former classmates, Mina, who is Native American, and Alicia, who is Black. Years after graduation, Prato reconnects with both women and learns what it was like for both of them to be young women of color at a school most filled with upper class white kids. Though both Mina and Alicia admit they received good educations, they always felt like “other” at Kent Denver County Day.

Prato also examines the issues of rape, sexual assault, and the often murky communication between men and women when it comes to romance and consent. In “Sixteen Candles,” the geek allegedly had sex with a passed out drunk girl who couldn’t give permission, and at the time it was considered just teenage hijinks. And let’s not forget how so many of us swooned when Luke and Laura got married on “General Hospital.” Somehow the fact that Luke raped Laura on the floor of a disco didn’t necessarily put the kibosh on all the romance. We thought it was true love. We thought wrong. Prato also calls out a teacher who groomed, manipulated, and had sex with several of his female students in another chapter.

Mental illness and family strife is also observed in Kids in America. In one heartbreaking chapter, Prato describes in painful detail about her brother’s battles with mental illness. When Gen X was growing up, mental health issues were something whispered about and people rarely got the treatment they needed and deserved. Prato also talks about a friend’s brother getting caught up with a group of racist skinheads. Was he racist himself? Perhaps, but maybe what he was looking for the most was acceptance, which he got from these people. As awful as racist skinheads can be, I think a lot of us can relate to wanting to find a sense of belonging.

But not all essays are totally serious. Prato talks a walk down memory lane when it comes to the iconic TV Show Beverly Hills 90210. For one hour, viewers were immersed in the trials and tribulations of Minnesota transplants, Brandon and Brenda Walsh, and their friends at West Beverly High School. In issues of race, the West Beverly gangs attempts to be “woke” was both cringeworthy and very simple-minded. And the topic of sex was usually handled with double-standards. It was maddening when the Walsh parents gave Brandon an “Atta, boy!” when Brandon lost his virginity to his old Minnesota girlfriend, and how Mom and Pop Walsh branded Brenda a fallen women because she slept with her boyfriend, Dylan. It didn’t matter she was in love with him and they used protection. Brenda Walsh. What a slut!

Perhaps not all of Prato’s essays will totally connect with Gen X readers. A lot of us didn’t go to prep schools, and many never saw an episode of Beverly Hills 90210. But the issues she writes about are probably issues quite a few Gen X-ers have contemplated. Maybe it’s time to have a conversation about these matters.

Book Review: She Memes Well by Quinta Brunson

A few months I started watching a charming and very funny television show called Abbott Elementary. Abbot Elementary is a mockumentary in the same vein as The Office and Parks and Recreation. Whereas, The Office took a look at the workplace of a small paper company and Parks and Recreation focused on local government, Abbott Elementary brings to light the inner sanctum of an underfunded Philadelphia grade school. The show has become a ratings hit and critical darling. And much of the praise can go to its creator and star, Quinta Brunson.

Pre-Abbott Elementary, I was only vaguely aware of Ms. Brunson. I had heard of some of her work with Buzzfeed and A Black Lady Sketch Show. However, I’m thrilled to have made the acquaintance of this talented and funny lady, so when I came across her book, She Memes Well, I just knew I had to read and review it.

She Memes Well is a mix of both essays and memoir. Born and raised in Philadelphia, Quinta Brunson grew up the fifth child in loving and close family. A desire to perform came early to her when she started taking dance classes. Ever the ham, it was comedy that grabbed Quinta as she grew older. Somehow she knew she had to make comedy her career, but how?

After a brief stint at Temple University and learning improv in her free time, Quinta dropped out and made her way to Los Angeles hoping to find her way to comedic brilliance. But dreams don’t come true easily, and Quinta had to pay quite a few dues along the way, including working a regular job. It was at a local Apple Store where she made the cash to pay the bills, but performing was her goal. To gain experience and exposure, Quinta spent time with other comedic performers, made videos for YouTube and Instagram, and even made TV’s Judge Joe Brown laugh at The Comedy Store. One of her most popular acts was about a girl who has never been on a nice date, with the tagline, “He got money” when her date actually paid for something. Not surprisingly, a lot of women could relate and laughed.

Thanks to her massive talent and a few connections, Quinta landed a gig working for Buzzfeed, her first video featuring her tasting Doritos (yum) and other funny videos and bits. It wasn’t long before Quinta’s work with Buzzfeed got some, well, buzz, and she started working with A Black Lady Sketch Show and other creative endeavors.

But there were struggles, and Quinta is very honest about paying her dues and facing rejection and disappointment. Now these things aren’t rare in show biz, but they can really sting and do a number on one’s self-esteem.

Today, Quinta is with Abbott Elementary, which was inspired by both her mother who was a teacher and her favorite teacher growing up. I’m thrilled for both the show and Quinta’s success. It proves that actual talent and hard work can lead to victory. Abbott Elementary is good to go for a second season, and I hope it’s remembered come Emmy time.

She Memes Well is both very funny and touching. Quinta discusses issues like being broke, having one’s heart trampled on, making it in comedy, which is still a white dude bro culture, and the importance of edges when it comes to black hair. She jokes about her troubles in the kitchen, dealing with being sort of famous, and gets sentimental when talking about growing up in a devout Jehovah Witness family. She also isn’t shy to admit some of her misgivings when it comes to social media.

And then there are moments that focus on more serious topics. She lost a cousin to gun violence and your heart breaks for her. And her rage over death of young black men to police violence is quite palatable. As humorous as Quinta is, her life hasn’t always been a barrel of laughs.

However, Quinta never strays far from a more fun side of life and she expresses her love of various pop culture in her chapters titled, “Quinta’s Classics.” Among Quinta’s pop culture faves? They include TV shows like The Office, the movie Jurassic Park, the music of Stevie Wonder, and Tina Fey’s book “Bossypants.” She also mentions a few millennial touchstones like the TV show Even Stevens and the video game Mario Kart.

Abbott Elementary made me a fan of Quinta Brunson. She Memes Well makes me an even bigger fan.

Book Review: More Than a Woman by Caitlin Moran

British writer Caitlin Moran writes about the female condition in such a relatable way. Whether it’s work, family, sex, culture, and the process of getting older, Moran feels your pain, your joy, and your anger. And she’s written about all of this in her latest book of essays, More Than a Woman.

In More Than a Woman, Moran writes about how when a woman reaches a certain age, let’s say her forties, she becomes more of a woman. And let me tell you; she has a lot to deal with!

Moran divides More Than a Woman into 21 distinct chapters, or hours. These hours include the hour of married sex, the hour of physical acceptance, the hour of “what about men,” and the hour of demons. Moran also catalogues the issues of housework, parenting, aging, self-help, and all-around bad times. I wouldn’t be surprised if women read these passages and nod their heads in recognition.

More Than a Woman is painfully funny and at times quite painful. Moran is brutally honest in telling about her daughter’s battles with an eating disorder and mental health issues. This tale is both heartbreaking and hopeful in the end.

And when Moran discusses patriarchy, she is convincing on how it also harms men. A while back via Twitter, Moran asked the guys out there what are the downsides to being a man. The answers are both shocking and thought-provoking. Guess what? There a men out there who would like to receive flowers. And many men wish they had as men clothing options as women. Who knew?

More Than a Woman is a mixture of memoir, manifesto, and self-help. I really appreciated Moran’s take on the need of a Women’s Union. Yes, please!

More Than a Woman is silly, serious, and truth-teller. Moran celebrates womanhood, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Book Review: Well, That Escalated Quickly-Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist by Franchesca Ramsey

Franchesca became internet famous. Anderson Cooper interviewed her, which gave her the opportunity to launch a career in both television and online as a writer, actress, and correspondent. She might be best known for her work with MTV’s “Decoded,” Comedy Central’s “The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore” and BET’s “Black Girls.”

In Well, That Escalated Quickly, Franchesca writes about her background growing in a mostly white community, her education, her forays into the world of making videos, social media, and her relationship with her (ex)husband, Patrick.

Many of her first videos were tutorials on her hair locs (dreadlocks). But dealing with a lot of racism and sexism (often called misogynoir), she decided to do her videos on the micro-aggressions she deals with coming from white people. She had no idea her videos would go viral, but instead of hiding out, she instead, clapped back, which gained her both fans and haters.

But beyond, getting a career boost from her videos. Franchesca realized she wanted to get more involved in social media issues. She figured she could do this through social media and television.

All of this was fine. I enjoyed reading about her life both before and after she became internet famous. And I’m proud of her success. Yet, I didn’t see a whole lot of activism going on. Making videos and appearing on MTV is one thing, but activism takes a lot more than that, marching the streets, getting involved in the community, writing to your representatives, and so on. I just didn’t read about it in Well, That Escalated Quickly.

Still, I like this book. Franchesca is a talented writer and quite funny. I just hope her activism goes beyond videos making white women look ridiculous. And I’m quite sure Franchesca Ramsey knows this and is growing and learning as a person.

Book Review: Had I Known-Collected Essays by Barbara Ehrenreich

Barbara Ehrenreich might be best known for her ground-breaking book Nickel and Dimed, but I’ve been a fan of this muckraker since I read her books Fear of Falling and The Worst Years of Our Lives way back in the 1990s. Ehrenreich has written many books and articles on the struggles of countless Americans. Now she’s back with her latest book Had I Known-Collected Essays.

In this book, Ehrenreich’s essays take a critical look on a multitude of topics, which include Have and Have-Nots, Men, Women, God, Science and Joy, and Bourgeois Blunders. And nothing from the fall of the working class to the high price of higher education escapes her keen observations.

Had I Known begins with the essay “Nickel and Dimed” from Harper’s magazine. Ehrenreich describes her experiences working various low-wage jobs and how she barely survived. Of course, this essay bloomed into the critical and best-selling book of the same name.

In The Have and Have-Nots, Ehrenreich examines extreme CEO pay compared to lower level workers and being poor is considered a crime in some communities.

In the section on health, Ehrenreich describes in horrifying detail about her battle with breast cancer and the breast cancer research industry awash with pink sentimentality. She also takes a look at our shattered mental health system and the “selfish side of gratitude.”

Other topics covered in Had I Known include rape, patriarchy, the state of happiness in women, the attack on science (quite appropriate in the age of Covid), the cost of college, and why being “busy” has reached cult status.

Almost all of these essays ring true in 2021, even the older essays written in the mid 1980s to the mid 1990s.

Ehrenreich’s writing never fails to enlighten and engage me. She’s wise, compassionate, entertaining, and at times, quite snarky. But most of all she is a truth teller. And Had I Known tells a lot of truths.