Book Review: Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant-A Memoir by Curtis Chin

Detroit, the Motor City, has a rich history. Detroit gave us the automobile industry and a roster of musical greats from Motown Records. And if you read my review of Amy Elliott Bragg’s excellent book, The Hidden History of Detroit, you know this city has a colorful past that goes beyond making cars and giving icons like Diana Ross and Marvin Gaye. Once upon a time, Detroit was even called “The Little Paris of the Midwest.”

But to be honest, my first memories of Detroit weren’t always favorable. Detroit’s automobile industry began to flail in the 1970s with the launch of foreign cars, especially those made in Japan. And Motown Records left chilly Detroit for sunnier and warmer climes in Los Angeles. Detroit experienced riots, racial strife, violence, and urban decay. But what was it like to come of age in that Detroit? Writer Curtis Chin knows. And he writes about this in his memoir Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant.

Conceived in the summer of 1967 during the Detroit riots and born in 1968, Chin was one of six children of a large, extended Chinese-American family. His family restaurant, Chungs had been a mainstay of Detroit’s Cass Corridor, part of the second Chinatown. Chung’s had been in business since the 1940s and shuttered its doors in 2000. And it truly shaped Chin in so many ways.

By the time Chin was in grade school back in the 1970s, Detroit had seen better days. But it was all Chin knew at the time, and Chung’s was a bit of a sanctuary of the strife that plagued the city. After school and on the weekends, Chin spent a lot of time at his family’s restaurant, sometimes in a booth and sometimes helping out. It didn’t matter that he and his siblings were young children; everyone had to pitch in to make sure Chung’s runs smoothly.

Chung’s attracted an eclectic clientele. Politicians dined there including Coleman Young, the first black mayor of Detroit. The Jewish community liked to eat at Chung’s on Christmas day when most eateries were closed for the holiday. Chung’s attracted blue collar and white collar workers. It attracted drug dealers and drag queens. Chung’s pretty much attracted diners from all walks of life who shared one thing, a massive love of Chinese food.

One thing Chin’s parents did was have their children ask the patrons of Chung’s about their lives and backgrounds. This was great training for a budding writer like Chin and it has served him well. It gave him an education beyond the confinements of a classroom. It didn’t matter if you were a politician or a prostitute (like there’s a difference between the two). You got fed a delicious meal at Chung’s and your story mattered to the Chin family.

As the 1970s morphed into the 1980s, and Chin became a teenager, he became more aware of what was going on, not just in Detroit but throughout the country and the world at large. Race relations were always fraught, economic woes plagued the nation, and AIDS had become a real threat to the gay community. And it was the 1980s, when Chin also came to grips with his own sexual orientation as a young gay man. However, being a gay man in the still very homophobic 1980s didn’t stop Chin from being a young Republican. But don’t worry. Young Chin was more Alex P. Keaton from the 1980s sitcom “Family Ties,” than a member of the MAGA cult.

It was in high school and later at the University of Michigan, where Chin began his passion for writing and learned to hone is literary voice. It was also when he started to face the truth about his sexuality (along with some interesting dating stories), and seeing the true humanity of his Chinese-American family, all their triumphs, their setbacks, their strength, and their frailties. And just in case you’re wondering, Chin pretty much left the Republican party behind.

Chin isn’t shy about telling about the horrible things that happened within the Asian-American community of Detroit. He tells the story of one Vincent Chin (no relation), a Chinese-American man who was brutally beaten and later succumbed to his injuries the day before his wedding. At the time in 1982 there was a lot of anti-Japanese racism broiling, and Chin was assumed to be Chinese by his white assailants. The idea of a hate crime wasn’t really part of the vernacular back then but it was obvious Chin was beaten due to his race. This incident truly horrified Curtis Chin, and he really had to face the racism that could he would have to deal with himself.

Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant is beautifully and honestly written. I truly felt I was there in Detroit during that particular time, and the descriptions of Chung’s food made my mouth water. Plus, I thought Chin using letters and numbers often found on a Chinese menu to note the different chapters wise quite clever (though it took a me a while to figure this out-oops). Chin’s story of coming of age, accepting himself, and the legacy of his family, all their faults and their legacy in Detroit truly interesting, and the pop culture references of Generation X truly resonated with me. Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant is one to enjoy and learn from, and will probably make you crave some Chinese food.

Book Review: Class-A Memoir of Motherhood, Hunger, and Higher Education by Stephanie Land

We were first introduced to author Stephanie Land with her debut Memoir Class (which I reviewed nearly five years ago in 2019). Maid chronicled Land’s escape from an abusive relationship with her young daughter in tow. Life was so precarious for the two of them. The faced homelessness and a tattered safety net when it comes to getting public assistance. Land tried to support herself and her daughter by cobbling together housekeeping jobs, which mostly paid really crappy wages and where far to many people don’t value as truly hard work. Maid became a blockbuster best-selling book and the Netflix series based on Maid was critically-acclaimed and a hit with audiences, and gained Land more readers and fans. Now Land is back with another memoir Class: A Memoir of Motherhood, Hunger, and Higher Learning.

In Class, Land is now living in Montana with her daughter Emilia. She’s still trying to support the both of them by taking on housekeeping and cleaning gigs. But struggle and poverty follow them. Land is also attending the University of Montana in pursuit of a degree in creative writing. A degree doesn’t guarantee Land will obtain a six figure job with a fancy, impressive title. But it may help her get out of poverty and provide her and Emilia with a much better life.

Land still faces difficulty. Struggle and impoverishment continue to plague Land and affect nearly every decision she makes. Land tries to balance taking care of Emilia, procure housekeeping gigs, and got to school and do her homework. I went to college with a lot of single moms, so I can easily imagine how monumental this was for Land.

Though Land’s ex isn’t completely out of the picture as he takes Emilia in during her summers off between school, he’s a total ass when it comes to paying child support. This ex has a decent job, so it’s not like he can’t help pay for Emilia’s care. Land’s concern for Emilia’s needs are viewed as a mere irritant like a buzzing mosquito rather than something that should be fulfilled by Emilia’s very own father.

Land and Emilia live in a ramshackle house with roommates. The house is very drafty during Montana’s brutal winters, and cupboards and refrigerator are often bare. Land tries to cobble some type of safety night through public aid like food stamps, but the help she reaches out for is often not there. As she seeks help, Land has to jump through many hoops and condescension and rudeness from social workers. And after all of that, she still denied the bare minimum she and Emilia desperately need. She’s told her freelance cleaning gigs don’t count as “real work,” and her pursuit of an education is frivolous and unneccessary.

And then there is Land’s pursuit of her degree. At the University of Montana, Land is an anomaly at the university. There aren’t many thirtysomething single moms in her classes. Land is more than a decade older than her classmates. But Land tries to pay of that no mind, as she buckles down with her classes, homework, and papers. And unlike her classmates, Land doesn’t have a lot of family support. Not to mention, she couldn’t exactly indulge in such collegiate pursuits like frat parties and spring breaks in Florida.

With her struggles and housekeeping work, Land is kind of seen as a “working class writer” at the university. Writing is just in her blood; Land knows she must write. She’s a storyteller at heart. She does seek out mentorship from her program’s director. This director had attended grad school as a single mom, and later wrote a book about these experiences. But instead of acting as a mentor, this woman rebuffs Land. Ah, the whole “I got mine; fuck the rest of you,” an infuriating and all-too-common trope. Not everyone who has been in similar circumstances is an ally.

Okay, Land does get into some situations that may make readers a wee bit judgmental. She has fly-by-night relationships with men where pregnancy is the result. Though Land is in her thirties by this time, she doesn’t really seem to be concerned about birth control and getting pregnant. One pregnancy prompts Land to get an abortion. But with the second pregnancy in this time, Land decides to keep the baby. It’s baffling how Land is going to handle another child while she’s dealing with school, Emilia, a crappy ex, poverty, and cobbling together housekeeping gigs. And through all of this, Land realizes who is in her corner and who isn’t. And in the end, Land graduates about to give birth to her second daughter, Coraline, with Emilia by her side.

Like Maid, Land is brutally honest with the obstacles she faced and those she made. She shows fierce love for her children and a lot of guts and grit as she tries to fulfill her dream of an education and success as a writer. Being poor single mom, I’m sure there are people out there who think Land should have studied something more practical than creative writing like accounting or she should have learned how to code or something. But why should creative pursuits be only for the privileged and well-to-do? Class will definitely challenge those assumptions.

Class is yet another literary feather in Land’s cap, and proves Maid was no one-hit-wonder fluke. Perhaps Netflix should look into making another limited series based on Stephanie Land’s Class.

Book Review: Leslie F*cking Jones-A Memoir by Leslie Jones

With her star-making turn as a cast member of the iconic late night television comedy sketch show “Saturday Night Live,” and her recent hilarious stint as a guest host of “The Daily Show,” Leslie Jones a comedic force of nature. It seems like she came out of nowhere, and was an overnight success. But this overnight success of Ms. Jones was decades in the making. And Jones discusses everything from her childhood, to getting into comedy as a college student, to her success today in her honest and funny memoir, Leslie “F*cking Jones.

After a brief foreward by Jones’ fellow stand up comic and friend, Chris Rock. Jones gets down to business by first going down memory lane, and talking about her childhood. Leslies Jones was born Annette Leslie Jones in 1967. It wasn’t long before she abandoned her given first name and decided to go by her middle name, Leslie. She was a military brat, who along with her parents, and her younger brother, moved around the country.

Growing up wasn’t exactly a day in the park for the young Jones. She was picked on for being black, tall, and often, the new kid in town. She often dealt with abuse at home. She recalls kicking a puppy outside of a trailer when she was a little girl, and in hindsight, Jones believes this vicious act (which now horrifies her) was in reaction to feeling powerless. She had to dominate something, so she dominated this puppy in a brutal way.

But Jones did have something going for her. She excelled at basketball (it helps she’s six feet tall). This got her a college scholarship, but basketball and getting involved with a much older man was more important than going to class and acing her exams. However, it was in college, where Jones discovered comedy. She always had the ability to make people laugh, and being on stage was electrifying. It was from that moment, Jones knew she wanted to make comedy her career.

Of course, this comedy career didn’t exactly take off right away, and Jones dealt with a lot of struggles. She had to hold a regular job (not exactly easy or fun) while trying to get comedy gigs. Audiences could be welcoming or they could be brutal. She dealt with a lot of crooked managers, and didn’t always get paid properly for her performances. There is also a lot of animosity from some comics, but Jones also came close to some of them who showed her a lot of support and encouraged her to keep developing her comedy style and performance.

Jones also had to deal with family strife. Her parents had a less than happy marriage, and both suffered from severe health issues. Her mother was in a hospital from the time, Jones was a teenager. And both of them died when Jones was a barely an adult. It must have shaken Jones to lose parents when she was still so young. And her younger brother got seriously messed up and was dealing drugs. This lifestyle caught up to him and he died in 2009. Jones also dealt with shitty jobs, money woes, bad roommates, and even worse boyfriends. She also had a run in with the law.

It seemed to take forever, but Jones finally grabbed the gold ring of comedic success when she was hired by Saturday Night Live. She first started out as a writer, but was later made a cast member. She was funny and loud, and brought a new voice to the show. She also was cast in the all-female remake of Ghostbusters, and she is brutally honest about the horrific sexism the cast faced, and all the racism that was thrown at her.

Leslie F*cking Jones is raw and deeply candid. Jones never shies away from the rough stuff of growing up, being a black woman in comedy, and the ups and downs of her career. She’s made a name for herself in a business that is extremely tough. And love how much she appreciates all the people who have helped her along the way, and the friendships she still holds dear (her and Kate McKinnon are total besties.

Whether you’re a fan of Leslie Jones, or just want to know what it’s like to be a woman of color in comedy and show business, you can’t go wrong with reading Leslie F*cking Jones.

Author! Author!: An Interview with Suzette Mullen

A contributor to the New York Times “Modern Love” series and a writing coach, Suzette Mullen seemed to have it all. She was married to a successful man, and her adult sons were happy and thriving. She even had a vacation home! But something under the surface was amiss in Suzette’s life. She soon realized she was deeply in love with her best friend-a women-for two decades. But she wondered if she acted on those feelings how would they tear up the life she had known so well.

Suzette shares her story about coming out and being her true self in her upcoming memoir “The Only Way Through is Out” published by University of Wisconsin Press, and will be released on February 13, 2024.

Suzette was kind enough to grant me an interview where she discusses her book, her life, and helping others embrace their true selves. Enjoy!

Many people realize from a young age they are gay, but you didn’t realize this until you were older. How did you deal with coming out at mid-life and how did it affect your life? 

This is exactly the story I share in my memoir THE ONLY WAY THROUGH IT OUT! Coming out at any age has its own set of challenges. My coming-out challenge was that I had an entire established identity and life rooted in the heterosexual paradigm—a husband, two young adult children, colleagues, friends, and extended family who knew me as straight. The cost of coming out, of living authentically, was “blowing up” that life and potentially hurting people I loved. I had to decide whether I had the stomach and courage to leave behind the safe, comfortable life I knew to step into an unknown future. Life on the other side of that very tough decision feels very different, personally and professionally. Change was—and is—hard and life-giving. Finally stepping into the fullness of who I am feels incredible. I may have thrown a bomb into my life and my family’s ecosystem, but nothing was destroyed. It all just looks differently now. Everyone appears to be thriving in their own way.

What emotions did you go through? What fears did you have? 

So many emotions and fears! First I had to learn to trust what I was hearing and feeling inside myself. Was I really gay or was I simply experiencing a one-off attraction to a female friend? At the time I was questioning my sexuality, I hadn’t even kissed a woman. Seriously, who risks everything for a life they’ve been living only in their head? Especially someone like me who had been conditioned to play it safe. I also felt a sense of relief once I came to terms with my sexual identity. So much of my past suddenly made sense, as if the scales had fallen from my eyes. But despite that clarity, I still wrestled with fear: Even if coming out and leaving my marriage was the “right thing” to do, could I actually do it? Could I do life as a single woman—as a lesbian!—and start over in my mid-fifties? I had been with my husband since I was twenty-two. And what about the people who mattered the most to me: my sons, my sister, my mom, my close friends. Would I lose them? For months, I struggled with these questions and fears. I sought advice from friends, worked with a therapist. But finally, I had to decide whose voice to listen to … and the answer was my own. 

How did you navigate going through a divorce at mid-life and starting over? 

First, I want to acknowledge that I enjoyed significant privilege in my starting-over journey: financial security, marketable job skills, and a generally supportive ex-husband. I don’t want to minimize the challenges of divorce and starting over when you don’t have these advantages. But what I can speak to are the fears and doubts many people have as they contemplate starting over—at any age. Somehow as a society we have adopted the mindset that once you’ve made your bed, you have to lie in it, and as a consequence, many of us stay stuck in unsatisfying personal and professional lives. You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to lie in that bed. You are more capable than you think. People called me brave for starting over in my mid-fifties. But I didn’t feel brave. However, ultimately, I didn’t give over my agency to fear and doubt. I didn’t let fear stop me from taking the first step and the next and the next. And on those days when fear and doubt threatened to overcome me, I called out for help and the universe responded. Friends took me in. Unexpected possibilities opened up. Synchronicities unfolded. It turns out I did have what I needed to start over. 

How did your career as a writing coach help you write your memoir? What advice would you give to others wanting to write a memoir? 

As a writer, I saw how valuable it was to have someone by my side to provide feedback and accountability, and to support me when the doubt demons inevitably whispered in my ear. As a writing and book coach, I went through a rigorous training process to further develop my understanding of craft and storytelling, as well as my knowledge of the publishing landscape. This training, as well as my ongoing work with writers, gave me the tools I needed to write a book I am proud of and land a book deal with a publisher who valued my story. The advice I’d give to people wanting to write a memoir comes from my own writing journey:

• Writing a memoir is an act of bravery. It’s vulnerable and scary. Make sure you take care of yourself and have a support system in place as you dig into your past, especially if you are writing about trauma.
• Be patient. Meaningful memoirs aren’t written in thirty days, despite what you might have heard on the internet!
• Your story is not the things that happened to you; it’s the meaning you make of those events. Keep digging until you discover the real story you were meant to tell.
• Get support. No one writes a book alone. Support can come in many forms: a writing partner, a writing group, or a writing coach. 
• Finally, your story matters. I hope you’ll write it. Someone out there needs to read it.

How do you hope your experience and your memoir will inspire and help others in the LGBTQ+ community? 

Every day I see people in online LGBTQ+ support groups who can’t imagine how they are going to come out or if they have already come out, how they will possibly get through the messy middle. I hope my memoir will help these folx feel seen, understood, and less alone, and feel hope that it’s possible to get to the other side of the struggle and create a thriving life. I hope my story will inspire them to find the courage to live their “one wild and precious life,”  as poet Mary Oliver so eloquently stated. To not waste their one wild and precious life living a life that isn’t truly their own. Yes, there is a cost to authenticity, and the cost is worth it. Finally, I’m proof positive that it’s never too late for a new beginning. It’s never too late to live authentically and write a new story for yourself.

Any future projects you want to tell us about? 

Yes! I’ve launched a mentorship and community exclusively for LGBTQ+ memoir and nonfiction writers called WRITE YOURSELF OUT where writers find accountability, professional support in a judgment-free zone, and a step-by-step process that meets them wherever they are in the journey from idea to publication. I’m loving the energy of this community and the growth I’m seeing in my writers, and I invite anyone who might be interested in joining the mentorship to please reach out. I’m also at the early stages of outlining my next book, which will be a memoir about how to hold grief and joy together after a big leap. What I’ve discovered is that when you are living authentically in your personal life it spills over to your professional life. That certainly has been the case for me. I’m thriving professionally in my sixties more than in any other decade of my life. Another reminder that it’s never too late!

Book Review: Still Laughing-A Life in Comedy (From the Creator of “Laugh-In”) by George Schlatter as told to Jon Macks

The the iconic television show “Laugh-In” was a bit before my time, I knew the show was a classic and quite ground breaking. If it wasn’t for “Laugh-In” we might not have sketch comedy shows such as “Saturday Night Live,” “In Living Color,” and “Kids in the Hall.” “Laugh In” was created by George Schlatter. And now a youthful 93, Schlatter shares his story about “Laugh-In” and so much more in his memoir Still Laughing: A Life in Comedy from the Creator of “Laugh-In” as told to Jon Macks.

Before “Laugh-In” Schlatter started his show business career in one of the most Hollywood clichéd ways. He started out working in the mailroom at MCA in 1948. Sure, it was pretty low level, but not exactly boring, and Schlatter was able to work his way up. In fact, one of Schlatter’s first brushes with fame was when he met Frank Sinatra over a contract. What did old blue eyes say to the then very young Schlatter? “I have ties older than you.” Despite the age difference, Schlatter and Sinatra forged a strong friendship and worked on other show biz endeavors. In fact, Schlatter was asked to give an eulogy at Sinatra’s funeral.

Schlatter can also be credited with creating the Las Vegas lounge act and recalls working with some pretty unsavory mob characters while managing nightclubs and casinos. Through his work in Las Vegas, Schlatter was able to morph into working for television shows working with the greats like Lucille Ball and Judy Garland. Doing this work, producing shows and massaging the egos of the talent was a great education for Schlatter.

But of course, it is the “Laugh-In” that is one of Schlatter’s greatest achievements. It was 1967 when Schlatter came up with the idea of a comedy sketch show that was inspired by the hippie counter culture of the late sixties. Back then, sit-ins, be-ins, and love-ins were very popular, thus the name “Laugh-In.” “Laugh-In” manifested the social issues, politics, and sexual revolutions of that time, and gave all those things a comic twist.

“Laugh-In” became a huge hit. If the internet had existed back then people would have discussed it on social media and would have created blogs and fan pages about the show. “Laugh-In” launched the careers of mega watt stars like Lily Tomlin and Goldie Hawn (who provide the foreward and the afterword respectively in the book). The “Laugh-In” cast was a rag tag bunch of talented and funny people who made TV watchers across America laugh themselves silly. “Laugh-In” gave us such quotable lines like “Sock it to me!” Even President Richard Nixon spoke that famous line. Back then, having a politician on an entertaining TV show was quite revolutionary. Now it it seems to be mandatory that a Presidential candidate, whether a Democrat of a Republican, show up on a show like “Saturday Night Live.”

Schlatter gives us all the details on everything creating and producing “Laugh-In.” He describes auditioning the potential cast members to how he got a bare nipple past the censors. And “Laugh-In” was actual called “Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In.” Why? Well, back then Dan Rowan and Dick Martin were huge comedy stars and having celebrity names attached to the show would grab more viewers. It worked. And Schlatter spills some tea. Rowan and Martin hated each other.

“Laugh-In” wasn’t Schlatter’s only television baby. He also created the show “Real People.” “Real People” was probably one of the first reality TV shows. But instead of featuring bachelors and bachelorettes or real housewives ripping out each other’s hair extensions, “Real People” featured people who actually contributed to society like the Tuskegee Airman. I loved watching “Real People” as a kid, and by reading Still Laughing, I found out host Sarah Purcell wasn’t quite as prim as she appeared. As for another host, Byron Allen, whatever happened to him? I kid, I kid.

One continuous character in Schlatter’s life is is devoted and gorgeous wife, Jolene. Where many men in Hollywood are on their third, fourth, or fifth marriage, George and Jolene remain a true blue couple. I adored reading about their love story.

Still Laughing was a tremendous read. I loved all the name dropping and the inside of scoop of show business, working with celebrities, and creating iconic television shows. I’m so glad we still have a George Schlatter in our midst. His stories, and the stories of other old school TV greats who are still with us (Carol Burnett, Norman Lear, Dick Van Dyke) are so important. Still Laughing is an enlightening and fascinating read for anyone with memories of shows like “Laugh-In” or anyone interested in pop culture history.

Book Review: Late Bloomer-Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife by Melissa Giberson

There is this idea that gay people knew they were gay from a very young age. Some were able to grasp their sexual orientation in their youth, where others were deeply in the closet for a long time. But there are also people who don’t truly realize they are gay until they are much older. Actors Meredith Baxter and Kelly McGillis came out when they were middle-aged and after they had been married to men and had children.

Not so famous, but with an important story to tell is Melissa Giberson, whose memoir Late Bloomer: Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife speaks her truth from being a married mom of two to an open lesbian happy in her truth and all the messiness and adversity in-between.

Melissa Giberson was in her gym’s locker room when she found herself captivated by a naked women applying lotion to her legs. This wasn’t a simple glance. No, Giberson was absolutely mesmerized by this woman, which caused her to ask herself, “Am I gay?”

Giberson was in her mid forties, married to her husband for nearly two decades, a devoted mother to a daughter and a son, and working as an occupational therapist. She thought she had ticked off all the boxes of adulthood. She obtained a college degree. She married a man. She had two children. And she had a good job. But why were these feelings bubbling within her? Why was she having amorous feelings towards women?

Then she met a woman named Raia, a patient at her therapy practice. A simple kiss with Raia awakened more underlining feelings and they began an affair. Giberson’s marriage to her husband wasn’t exactly hot and heavy, and she was busy with the minutiae of work, running her household, and preparing for her daughter’s bat mitzvah. This affair was a spark that inspired Giberson to learn more about her budding sexuality, realizing that maybe she had been gay all along.

Giberson, needing to understand more about what she was going through, sought out answers. She went to therapy and spoke to rabbis. And she also consulted the internet to figure more things out about being a lesbian. Still, Giberson wanted to stay true to her marriage even if it was rocky, and at the same time, she was truly envious of those who were out of the closet and embracing their true sexual orientation.

But it wasn’t long before Giberson realized she had to be true to herself. She came out to her family. Needless to say, they were gobsmacked. And Giberson and her husband began divorce proceedings. Not surprisingly, the divorce was less than amicable. And though you want Giberson to embrace her sexual orientation, you also understand her husband’s anger and bitterness. Also, being a child of divorce herself, Giberson was especially protective of her children. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Slowly, but surely, Giberson began accept being a lesbian and found friendship and acceptance among the LGBTQ community. And it was one woman, Vivian, who helped Giberson claim her true self despite the chaos of her divorce and navigating the dating world as a lesbian.

In the end, Giberson comes out whole and happy, but wise to the way one’s decisions can affect others and well as oneself. Late Bloomer is a memoir that is introspective and honest, and gets to the heart of accepting yourself as you truly are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Book Review: Uneducated-a Memoir of Flunking Out, Falling Apart, and Finding My Worth by Christopher Zara

From where journalist Christopher Zara started out, he probably shouldn’t have ended up in the exact place he is-a respected writer and happily married man. Zara grew up in Trenton, New Jersey in a time when Trenton was falling apart as was his family. A screw up as a student, Zara was kicked out of high school for behavioral issues. He also got involved in the local punk rock scene, hanging out with some less than savory people, and once battled a seriously frightening heroin habit. And how Zara overcame these insurmountable obstacles is wonderfully told in his memoir Uneducated: Flunking Out, Falling Apart, and Finding My Worth.

Born in 1970, Zara faced a childhood familiar to many Generation X-ers. His parents’ marriage was rocky and they later divorced. He came of age in Trenton, New Jersey as it was falling apart. He got involved in punk music, which was a refuge from his home life. Though incredibly bright, school was not the place for him and he often got in trouble for misbehaving. He later dropped out but did manage to get a GED. Zara also developed a heroin habit, which he fortunately was able to kick and has lived for years drug free.

For a long time, Zara kind of sleep walked through life. He moved from place to place, and worked a lot of dead end jobs. He figured this type of life was his destiny. After all, his educational history was less than impressive. He had only a GED and no college experience, let alone an actual degree.

But what Zara did have was a lot of writing talent, and a willing to work hard and prove himself. In his mid thirties, Zara managed to get an internship at Show Business Weekly magazine, a magazine aimed at those working in the performing arts. Zara was older than most other interns and wasn’t a college student. He considered himself lucky to procure this internship. Like a lot of internships, this one was unpaid, so Zara had to work at a frame shop to make some money to help support himself.

While at Show Business Weekly, Zara was involved in so much more than writing and editing articles, and he and his cohorts tried desperately to keep a print magazine afloat at a time where websites and digital media were taking over.

Once his tenure with Show Business Weekly ended, Zara got a job with the International Business Times, which had some rather sketchy ownership, and Zara goes into great lengths to explain it in Uneducated. While at International Business Times, Zara got an education on how the internet was truly changing the world of media, where SEOs, going viral, the importance of social media, and clickbait are often of utmost importance. One could write an amazing article, but it meant bupkis if it didn’t grab enough eyeballs on the World Wide Web.

Though Zara gained strength as a writer and became more successful as a writer, he still felt less than those with college degrees, often feeling like an imposter of people he felt were more qualified just because they had a sheepskin. But most of his colleagues truly accepted him, not giving a shit if he didn’t have a college degree. Zara’s talent, skill, and work ethic was good enough.

But this book isn’t just about making a career in media. Uneducated is a also a love story, with Zara telling the tale of meeting his beloved wife, Christina, their courtship and ultimate marriage. In fact, I kind of want Christina to write her own memoir.

Whether your education consisted of the Ivy League or the School of Hard Knocks, Uneducated is story for all of us. It really makes you think about the importance of education, both formal and non-formal, and how much our society measures us by our credentials and degrees. But what I also like, is how Zara never looks down at anyone who does have a college degree; there is no reverse snobbery in Uneducated. Zara doesn’t look down on anyone who did go to college and obtain a degree. He realizes there are various paths we take.

Uneducated is a wonderful tale of overcoming some pretty bad odds and making a success of one’s life. I highly recommend it for the tale it tells and the amazing way it’s written.

Book Review: Life Without Pockets-My Long Journey into Womanhood by Carla Anne Ernst

The transgender community, both trans women and trans men, have been getting a lot of attention, some of it good and some of it quite vicious. Though transgendered people have existed forever, In the past few years transgendered people have come to the forefront of our consciousness. They include people like Caitlin Jenner, Elliott Page, Chaz Bono, and Rachel Levine. We’ve seen transgendered people in TV shows like “Pose” and “Orange is the New Black.” Movies like “The Crying Game,” “Boys Don’t Cry,” and “Transamerica,” and one of my favorites, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch.” Though the trans community has gained acceptance there are still far too many people hostile towards trans men and trans women. Most transgendered people are just trying to live their lives.

One trans person I once knew was Carla Anne Ernst. I met Carla at my Unitarian church several years ago. It was an open secret Carla was transgender. And she was welcomed with open arms at our church. But she was so much more than a trans woman. She was also a talented writer and musician. And I gained a great deal of knowledge about Carla’s journey as a transgendered woman in her memoir Life Without Pockets: My Log Journey Into Womanhood.”

Carla was born to a loving and large Catholic family in Glencoe, Illinois. From her earliest memory Carla knew she was born in the wrong body. She just knew in her very soul, she was a woman. Of course, she didn’t transition right away. She lived as a boy, and then a man for quite a while. She did well in school, played sports, had lots of friends, found music to be a passion, and later went on to college and made a career in the communications field. She was even married twice and had children. Of course, the marriages didn’t last, but Carla remained a devoted parent to her children.

Transitioning began much later, and thus Carla tells us about her deeply personal journey from being a male to female. Carla is not hesitant about telling us some of the good and bad of being transgender. Not surprisingly, there were people who were not particularly thrilled with her decision to become a woman. But fortunately, she did find support among her family, her friends, her work colleagues, and her church community. She also found a collection of fellow trans women for which she could bond with and also have a lot of fun times. And when asked if there was one thing she missed about being man, she said, “Pockets.” Let’s face it, ladies. Our garments are often devoid of pockets. Am I right? But most of all, Carla felt peace. She was finally content with being her true self.

However, Carla is also brutally honest about the hostility and downright violence aimed at the transgendered community. There are so many heartbreaking stories of transgendered people being attacked and sometimes killed for being different. Transgendered youth and adults are often bullied and ostracized by society. Some are cast out of their families and estranged. Many deal with deep depression and other mental health issues. Some commit suicide, including one of Carla’s dearest friends for which this book is dedicated to.

Life Without Pockets is more than a memoir. It is also a primer of transgendered people. Though Carla will admit her story is very individual and personal, she provides interesting facts about transgendered people, which have existed since the beginning of time and can be found in literature, history, and all kinds of pop culture. You’ve probably met a transgendered person and didn’t know it. Carla also provides resources, facts, and figures about transgendered people for anyone seeking information whether they are trans themselves, know somebody trans, or just curious and want to know more so they can support the trans community. Carla also provides things you should probably not ask a trans person, like about their sex lives. How rude!

I’m sad to say, Carla died a few years ago. With all the intense prejudice and abhorrence aimed at transgendered men and women, she would be truly heartbroken. But I do think she’d find hope and solace to all the people who do support the transgendered community. Life Without Pockets is an important and timely book in building a bridge between the transgendered and cis-gendered public.

Book Review: Surrender-40 Songs, One Story by Bono

Single named rock and pop stars-Sting, Cher, Madonna- are rarely willing to stay in the background. They are often larger than life. And U2 frontman, Bono, is no different, despite being only 5;6″. There are many books about U2 front man Bono. Bono in Conversation by Michka Assayas is one of my favorites. But never has there been a book about Bono written by the man himself until now-Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story. In Surrender, Bono tells his life story by using 40 different U2 songs for each chapter, songs that will be familiar to any U2 fan.

Bono was born Paul David Hewson on May 10, 1960 in Dublin, Ireland. His father, Bob, was Catholic, and his mother, Iris, was Church of Ireland Protestant. This may not sound like a big deal today, but in Ireland 60 years ago, a mixed marriage was monumental. But it may have also inspired Bono (who was raised in his mother’s faith) to build bridges among different religions, opinions, and ideas.

Sadly, tragedy visited the Hewson family when Bono was a mere 14 years old. His mother died of a stroke she suffered at the funeral of her own father. Bono mentions she was rarely spoken of again, and the Hewson household was of three very angry men who could not quite articulate and comfort themselves in Iris’s heartbreaking absence.

Bono was on a bad path when two major things occurred. He started dating his lovely wife Ali (they’ve been married for over 40 years!). And he joined a little rock group that became U2.

Bono tells of U2’s early days, long before sold out stadium concerts, platinum records, and trophy cases filled with Grammys. U2 really had to struggle to get a record deal and gigs. Bono even shows a rejection letter from one record label. Hmm, I bet that label is kicking themselves these days.

Of course, U2 have gone beyond being a hugely popular band. Whereas many rock stars are happy to top the charts, play sold out gigs, and bang a few groupies, U2, and especially Bono, wanted something more. They wanted to change the world. As many people know, Bono has been involved in activism back in the 1980s when he was involved with the Band Aid single “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” and the Live Aid mega concert on behalf of the Ethiopian people. For Bono, activism is a megaphone. He knows being a celebrity can bring attention to important causes. And Bono has been very involved with issues facing the African continent for a very long time, issues like the AIDS crisis, debt relief, and fair trade. Yes, Bono has some naysayers, but I believe he’s truly a very committed person. Bono doesn’t need to “Shut up, and sing.”

And yes, like with any celebrity, Bono is quite the name dropper in Surrender. He’s met a lot of famous folks over the years-Johnny Cash, Frank Sinatra, Nelson Mandela. He talks about the band befriending supermodels like Helena Christensen, Christy Turlington, and Naomi Campbell (the latter being engaged to bassist Adam Clayton for a short time). But it was heartbreaking to learn about the tragic loss of one of his best mates, Michael Hutchence.

Let’s not forget; there is the personal side of Bono. Bono writes so highly of his lovely wife, Ali. And he’s a devoted father to his three children, Jordan, Eve, Elijah, and John. All of Bono and Ali’s children have turned out top notch, but Bono admits he always wasn’t a very present father between his work with U2 and his activism. But no matter what the Hewson family remains a team.

Throughout Surrender, Bono talks so lovingly of his U2 brothers, relaying stories that are both inspiring and some are that quite sad. U2 have faced their challenges, but remain strong. The way Bono writes about Larry, Adam, and the Edge is quiet heartfelt showing them as the humans they are.

Surrender is not a slim volume. It’s nearly 600 pages long. But this is Bono we’re talking about; he’s quite wordy and loquacious. And he has so much material to cover in his 60 plus years. However, I never felt bogged down while reading Surrender. I kept flipping from page to page wondering what Bono was going to say next.

I have to admit, being a U2 fan for decades, Bono’s life story is very familiar to me. But reading Bono’s life story in his own words is something else.

Book Review: The Light We Carry-Overcoming in Uncertain Times by Michelle Obama

Let’s face it. We live in a very complex and trying time. We’re dealing with political upheaval, hatred and bigotry of all kinds, corporate malfeasance, and environmental degradation. Inflation is out of control and a recession looms on the horizon. And we can’t forget how Covid completely upended our lives.

With all of this, we can safely assess there are no easy solutions, are there? But we can gather various tools, to help us face these challenges. And this tool kit, among other things, is what former First Lady, Michelle Obama, covers in her latest book, The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times.

In The Light We Carry, Obama covers some familiar territory to readers of her memoir, Becoming. Obama talks about growing up on the southside of Chicago by two very loving parents who had high standards for her and her brother, Craig. She talks about the challenges she faced in the educational and professional realms. Obama talks about meeting and marrying a certain fellow named Barack Obama and raising two daughters, Malia and Sasha. And of course, she talks about living in the White House during President Obama’s two terms.

Obama fully admits things weren’t always rosy. She had fertility issues. There were difficult moments in her marriage. And we can’t forget all of the horrific racism and sexism she faced as the first black First Lady of the United States (and no doubt, before that).

But Obama remained steadfast and strong. She never sunk the level of the bigots who tried to degrade her. “When they go low, we go high” wasn’t just a line from her speech at the 2016 Democratic National Convention. It’s clearly her mantra and a way of life.

But back to the idea of a tool kit. In times of trouble, we all need to utilize our took kit. Our tool kit is filled with various strategies we can rely on to help us navigate the choppy waters of uncertain times.

Like many of us, Obama was thrown for a loop during the pandemic. She admits she dealt with low-grade depression. One saving grace was taking up a new hobby. In Obama’s case, it was knitting. Undoubtedly, the act of knitting was very soothing (the click clack of needles can be very Zen like). Knitting made Obama feels as she had some semblance of control when everything seemed so out of whack.

Obama also has praise for another thing in her tool kit, something she calls her “kitchen table.” Her kitchen table includes close friends and mentors who offer support. She also goes into great length talking about her wonderful mother, Marian Robinson. Mrs. Robinsons’ “Don’t make a fuss over me” attitude while living in the White House is positively charming.

Obama understands we are riddled with anxiety and feel helpless. She wants us to remember we all have a light within that needs to shine. We need to offer kindness not only to others, but to ourselves as well. Using a tool kit can help us access that kindness.

Part memoir, part self-help, The Light We Carry is written with warmth and candor. It will likely inspire conversation. Some of Obama’s ideas and musings may sound like clichés. But these clichés are tried and true, and serve us well. And Obama offers plenty of resources regarding mental health and accessing affordable therapy.

Reading The Light We Carry made me think about my own tool kit that has helped me in the past few years. There is my family and friends, and my church community. There is my favorite coffeehouse, Rochambo, which a visit frequently. I have so many books to read and this blog. Last year I joined a gym. My workouts are a form of therapy. And recently I got back into crafting, making soap and jewelry.

The Light We Carry is like hanging out with a dear friend, a friend who is kind, supportive, empathetic, and says, “You are stronger than you realize.