Book Review: Breath to Bear by Paula Dombrowiak

In Paula Dombrowiak’s rock and roll novel Blood and Bone we were introduced to rock musician Jack O’Donnell. Haunted by his past, Jack was still tormented by the death of his bandmate, Mia Stone, a woman Jack regarded as his soulmate. Jack was trying to revive his tattered career and deal with a rather messy relationship with his ex-wife Amber and their daughter, Hayley, a budding musician herself.

And then there was music journalist Erin Langford. At the end of Blood and Bone, Jack and Erin had embarked on a relationship as she got to know more about him and help him with his memoir. But this professional relationship couldn’t help but grow into something quite more romantic. The chemistry between Erin and Jack was electric, and the sex white hot. But was their relationship just a memory of entangled bedsheets and limbs? Or was Erin a promise of love and happiness for Jack? Or would Jack screw things up and cast Erin aside like a used up condom?

Now Jack and Erin, and so many others introduced in Blood and Bone are back in Paula Dombrowiak’s latest installment Breath to Bear. And everyone has quite the story to tell in this crazy rock and roll ride.

As Breath to Bear begins, Jack’s memoir, which he wrote with Erin’s help, has been released. Writing this memoir was an act of laying bare, opening a vein, and bleeding all over the page. Jack is brutally honest about the life he has lived, and how it has lead him this point in time. There is no sugar-coating in Jack’s memoir. And now Jack is dealing with the aftermath of releasing such a blunt tale of his life that may freak out his fans, and ruffle the feathers of those closest to him.

Writing this memoir was cathartic, but Jack isn’t exactly in the best state of mind. As mentioned, he’s still tormented by the memory of Mia. His old band, Mogo, busted up ages ago, and Jack is trying to get his solo career started. If only, he wasn’t dealing with a vicious case of writer’s block. Will the musical muse ever visit him again? Sobriety continues to be a challenge for Jack. His ex, Amber, has announced she’s getting remarried, and his daughter, Hayley, now has a musical career of his own. Being all too aware of the missteps a young person can make in the world of music, Jack has his worries.

And then there is Erin, the woman who helped him string his past and his words into creating his best-selling memoir. When they met, Jack thought Erin was just another irritating journalist, and Erin thought Jack was just another has-been musician. But they connected so much writing the memoir, finding layers and layers beneath both of their surfaces, and yes, the electricity between them was smoking hot. But Erin didn’t want to be just another notch on Jack’s bedpost. And Jack was giving her the time to figure things out.

As mentioned, Jack is trying to finish an album he was originally going to do with Mia. And he’s waiting for the muse to help him writes songs and record them in the studio. His relationship with former bandmates is fractured, and the music business sees him as very damaged goods. And though Jack’s memoir is a huge best-seller, he feels like he exposed too much. But Jack feels it in his bones that he must get his revive his stalled career or else.

Erin was thrilled to get the chance to help Jack write his memoir. However, she didn’t expect to sleep with him and possible fall in love with him, too. Feeling like her journalistic integrity is a bit in tatters, Erin leaves her regular music magazine writing gig and goes freelance. She also hopes to figure out what she and Jack have.

Jack and Erin’s relationship is confusing at best. Jack is a parade of red flags. One of them is his obsession with Mia. How can Erin compete with Jack’s alleged soulmate even if she’s now a ghost? Erin tries to keep Jack at arms length (not always an easy thing to do) and focus on her career as a writer.

Jack tries to revitalize his splintered musical career, make amends with his former bandmates, come to terms with Amber’s impending nuptials, and encourage Haley on her music career. He also can’t stop thinking about Erin. Could he be falling in love with her? As for Erin, she decides to take a road trip, visit various towns, check out their music scenes, and write about them. While on her trip, she befriends a talented budding photographer, Sasha, and Sasha joins her on this road trip.

During this time, Erin acts as a mentor and big sister to Sasha. And it’s wonderful to see two women connect rather than seeing backstabbing and catty behavior. And Jack finds out Hayley has been assaulted by some sleazy toad in the music industry, and deals with this piece of shit in the way you’d expect Jack to act. But you can’t blame him for wanting to protect Hayley. The music business is treacherous.

As Breath to Bear reaches its conclusion, it looks like Jack might get his career back on track and Erin just might be the true blue love he’s been searching for, but it takes a lot of soul-searching to reach this point. Will Jack release an album that goes platinum? Will Erin’s writing career flourish now that she’s freelance? Will Jack and Erin end up at the Chapel of Love? Only time will tell.

Dombrowiak has written another richly detailed and gripping tale. Sure, she covers the usual tropes of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but Breath to Bear also covers family, friends, redemption, and renewal, issues so many of us faced even though the closest we’ve gotten to the music biz is our Spotify lists. Dombrowiak definitely knows her stuff when it comes to the world of rock and roll, and she builds characters that are complex and enthralling. Breath to Bear is a worthy successor to Blood and Bone.

Book Review: Small in Real Life-Stories by Kelly Sather

Warm, sunny weather, sandy beaches, and the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. These may be a few things you conjure up when you think of Southern California. But in Kelly Sather’s award-winning collection of stories, Small in Real Life, she tells tales that show a much more gritty reality of the Golden State. Some of the characters in Small in Real Life work in show business, and others are wannabes drawn to the promise of fame and fortune of Hollywood. And other characters are living lives far from those tired, yet true tropes of California. And all of them are an interesting narrative to tell.

Small in Real Life starts out strong with The Spaniard. Jenny is just about to turn sixteen when she gets sick at school. Nobody is able to reach her parents, so she is given bus fare and goes back home via the RTD. Yes, Los Angeles has public transportation. When Jenny gets home a strange man is there with her mother. Due to this man’s European accent, Jenny deems him The Spaniard. Why is this man in their house? Why is Jenny’s mother being so coy? Is The Spaniard and her mother having an affair? Jenny infers that they are, and she believes she can blackmail her mother into buying her a car for her upcoming 16th birthday, and if not, Jenny will tattle to her father about her mother’s dalliance with The Spaniard. But Jenny’s mother remains unfazed. Will this transgression be the end of Jenny’s parents’ marriage?

Betrayal is also a theme in Handbag Parade. Stephanie and Carol often meet at the home of their mutual friend, Gia. Gia is in the last throes of ALS; her tragic death is imminent. All three of them met early in their careers working low-level jobs at a Hollywood agency. Not one of them became an agent, but Gia found the most success of them all, and now she’s trapped in a frozen body. Stephanie begins to steal Gia’s collection of high end designer hand bags, and thusly, blames Gia’s nurse, Esme, for the thievery, putting Esme’s vocation on the line. Stephanie betrays a friend and bears false witness against an innocent woman. Handbag Parade show truly conveys how friendship can tragically lead to heartbreak and disloyalty.

In God’s Work an LA judge somehow ends up on a date with a failed actress turned make-up artist. The way this judge describes this woman you can tell he thinks she’s beneath him. He speaks disdainfully of her low-cut sweater and clumped up mascara. But is this an actual date or something quite else when the judge makes a startling confession, and somehow thinks him being a judge may be in her favor. But will it?

So many of the stories that make up Small In Real Life are gripping portraying people from all walks of life going through their day to day activities in the Golden State. Some get close to the glittering images Hollywood promises, but never quite grab that brass ring. Others are in the gallows. And then there are those who revel in the underbelly.

Small In Real Life made me think of the Hollywood sign. It looms over the land in large capital letters. It seems to promise fame and fortune and glamour. But closer and you’ll probably see decay, graffiti, and litter strewn about showing the true messiness and disappointment of real life.

Book Review: The Glow by Jessie Gaynor

In Jessie Gaynor’s novel, The Glow, protagonist Jane Dorner is in a funk; her life seems to be going nowhere. Though Jane had aspirations of being a poet, she ended up dropping out of her grad program, and is now working in public relations for a New York City firm. Working in public relations may sound glamorous and lucrative, but Jane can barely care about her work and her output is slipshod at best.

And on top of her less than exciting job, Jane is now without a boyfriend after a break up and due to an emergency surgery, Jane is now drowning in medical debt (something I bet a lot of my fellow Americans can relate to). Jane is trying to hold onto her job so she can pay off her nearly six figure medical debt.

Needing a boost to her career, Jane seeks out something to inspire her so she can publicize it and perhaps save her job. And Jane thinks she’s found the perfect thing when she discovers Fort Path, a wellness retreat. At the helm of Fort Path, is Cass. Cass is beautiful, ethereal, and has a huge following on social media. Her Instagram passages promise wellness, healing, and the ultimate journey of self-fulfillment. Jane is drawn to both Fort Path and Cass, and she believes if she can connect with both of them, she will find not only a higher state of being, she will also amplify her career and keep her job.

Jane makes a sojourn to Fort Path. At first she has a hard time fitting in with the retreat’s strict diet and weird rituals, which includes group masturbation and refraining from showering. But still, Jane can’t help but be drawn to Cass. Cass just radiates self-confidence, wholeness, and true enlightenment. Perhaps if Jane follows Cass and Fort Path’s strict guideline, she, too, will achieve these lofty goals.

Whereas Cass may be the face and inspiration for Fort Path, it is her husband, Tom, who handles the business side of running the retreat. Jane gets closer to Cass and Tom, and often wonders about their marriage, especially since Tom doesn’t exactly seem 100% straight. Is it true love or a marriage of convenience. And once Jane loses her PR job, and finagles her way into a job with Fort Path, she finds out more and more about Cass and Tom’s marriage and the behind the scenes of running Fort Path.

Jane comes up with a plan. She figures with her public relations experience, she feels she can sell Fort Path on a grander scale (even if she herself, isn’t a true believer of Fort Path’s mission and practices). If Jane can put Fort Path on the wellness map and make Cass a major health guru on par with Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop. And to do this, Jane does some rather nefarious and less than savory things that are more about making the big bucks and exploiting Cass, Tom, and Fort Path than actually doing something positive for the the two of them, the retreat, and its clients. Will Jane make Fort Path a health and wellness a huge success and become a huge success herself? Or will everything tumble like a house of Tarot cards?

The Glow is a fascinating look at the rarified world of wellness and the people involved even though some of these people aren’t exactly good people. Sure, Cass and Tom may have an odd marriage. And I’m not a fan of Cass’s dietary and hygienic habits, but for the most part these are two well-meaning characters who are sympathetic.

However, Jane is a walking red flag. Though I empathize with her work and money troubles, I found her behavior towards Cass and Tom, and Fort Path to be appalling. Her exploitation is truly offensive. But I wondered is she truly an awful person or is her behavior due to the huge pressures, challenges, and set backs she has dealt. And I also questioned if our seeking out of enlightenment and a better life via a wellness retreat, a yoga class, or a candle smelling like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina is a panacea for the true systematic obstacles problems we face in modern society. The Glow prompts us to think a bit about those things.

Book Review: What About Men?-A Feminist Answers the Question by Caitlin Moran

Journalist, novelist, a former teen-age music critic, Caitlin Moran has been writing about the female experience for years. A self-described feminist, Moran has covered all things girls and women in both her novels and books of collected essays. However, there is one question Moran has been asked by her mostly female audience. That question? “What about men?” For the longest time, Moran has put off answering the question. It wasn’t until her daughters were asking the very same question that Moran was inspired to ask “what about men?’ herself and she decided to do some homework resulting into her latest book, What About Men: A Feminist Answers the Question.

In several unique chapters, Moran covers men and various topics. These include everything from men as young boys to old age. She takes a look at the bodies of men (including their private parts), men’s clothing, the conversations amongst men, and how they view sex and porn. She also looks at the way men talk to women and friendships amongst men. She looks at men through the lens of fatherhood and how men deal with illness. And she also goes down a treacherous path of men and misogyny in the scary world of the on-line manosphere.

To find out the inner-workings of all things men, Moran first turned to her inner-circle, including her husband, Pete. Now, these men are not exactly a diverse group. Like Moran herself, they are mainly white, cis, heterosexual, middle-aged, and middle class. But you’ve got to start somewhere, right?

She asks these men about growing up, what they talk about (or don’t talk about) when they chat amongst in a men-only group, their attitudes about sex and pornography, and their opinions on everything from the clothes they wear to why they neglect their health. And she gets some very interesting answers. For instance, she finds out why men don’t talk about their penises whereas some women will wax on about their vaginas post-birth.

One frightening aspect of the world of men today, is the world of the manosphere. For the uninitiated, the manosphere (which can be found all over the internet) is a cesspool of misogynistic men who see women as servants and cum dumpsters. They are truly threatened by any woman assets herself, is educated, and lives for anything that isn’t in service of a man. Probably the most famous of these knuckle-draggers, is MMA fighter, Andrew Tate. Tate has horrifying views on women, rape, and relationships. And he’s currently under investigation for sex trafficking. However, Tate does have a huge following, especially amongst very confused Gen Z men. Moran, too, is horrified by Tate, but tries to get an inkling of why some young men might be drawn to such a divisive figure. And on a personal note, Tate isn’t exactly the tough guy he purports to be. He actually blocked me on Twitter for saying he has no chin. But let’s go further.

On the issue of men and pornography, a young man shares his tale with Moran of his addiction to porn and how it negatively affected him when it came to dating and relationships. This could be a good warning that not all porn is completely harmless. Your heart breaks for this young man, and you will be comforted that he’s on the path towards healing.

But not is all lost when it comes to men. Yes, there are horrible examples of toxic masculinity like the aforementioned Andrew Tate. Moran looks into men who are admired for positive masculinity and comes up with names like Keanu Reeves and President Barack Obama. For me, I’d like to add names like the late Paul Newman and professor Neil Shyminsky who I follow on TikTok, and always has excellent counter-arguments to the toxicity of the manosphere.

And just as women are imprisoned by what makes a true woman, men are also locked into tropes of what it makes a true man, and how both men and women need to look past these clichés to be true to oneself. At this point, we’re not really talking about the difficulties of being a man in the 21st century in a way that doesn’t bash women and feminism. These things need to change.

Now admittedly, Moran does not go in very deep in What About Men? She is not an academic or a researcher. If you’re looking for a book that goes more in depth on the topic of men, I highly recommend Susan Faludi’s Stiffed: The Betrayal of American Men. Yes, Faludi, the feminist who wrote the classic Backlash: The War Against Women. And at times, Moran can be a wee bit too snarky and UK-oriented. However, I do commend Moran for actually giving a shit about men and their issues. What About Men? isn’t a perfect book, but it is a start. And I hope it can open up a dialogue about men, what they’re going through, and how we can find understanding and empathy between the sexes.

Retro Review: The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

When the late Sylvia Plath’s novel The Bell Jar was released in 1963, it was considered groundbreaking. It focused on topics quite controversial just over 60 years ago, including ambition in young women in a time when women were supposed to desire only marriage and motherhood and dealing with horrifying mental health issues. Originally published under the name Victoria Lucas, Sylvia’s only novel is still considered a classic in the feminist canon. But how well does The Bell Jar hold up in 2024? I decided to read it and found out for myself.

Meet Esther Greenwood, raised in the Boston suburbs by her widowed mother, Esther is now in college, which is being funded by a wealthy local author. It is the summer of 1953, and Esther has procured an internship with the fictional women’s magazine “Ladies Day” in New York City. Though Esther’s days are filled with magazine-related activities, and her nights trying to socialize with her fellow interns, Esther feels disconnected and empty. She just can’t work up the excitement over this opportunity that most girls would give their eye teeth for. Esther is riddled with anxiety and depression. Can she shake out of this funk?

Several incidents occur during Esther’s internship that Plath goes into great detail to describe. Esther talks about the various assignments for “Ladies Day” the interns get to work on as well as the nice swag they all receive (not to mention the horrid food poisoning everyone gets at a luncheon). She also describes Esther trying to befriend her fellow interns like the flirtatious and sociable Doreen and the very pious and naïve Betsy, who Esther is more drawn towards. Esther also reminisces about the various scrapes she gets into when it comes to men, like when a local New York City radio host tries to seduce her, but later he decides to date Doreen. And towards the end of her internship, Esther is nearly raped at a country club party she attends with Doreen. Esther escapes but this causes her to throw out her new clothing and sends her further into despair.

After the internship ends, Esther returns to her childhood home. During this time, Esther is absolutely crushed when another scholarship opportunity, a writing course featuring a well-known author, does not come through. She is not accepted into this prestigious program. Esther tries to fill her time before school resumes in the fall by writing a novel. Yet, she thinks she lacks the life experience to write a proper book. And she also questions what her life will be like after she graduates from college. Up till then, Esther’s whole life has revolved around academics. Will she have a career or will so end up “just a wife and mother” as the fifties often dictated to women back then.

Esther continues to fall into deeper and deeper depression, not being able to sleep or attend to basic activities. She does see a psychiatrist for a while (whom she doesn’t exactly warm up to because she thinks he’s too handsome). And when this psychiatrist suggest electroconvulsive therapy, better known as ECT. The ECT doesn’t work, and Esther makes some half-hearted suicide attempt.

However, she does nearly die after she crawls into a cellar and takes far too many sleeping pills. When her mother can’t find Esther, it is assumed she has been kidnapped and possibly murdered, which the media takes note of. Once discovered, Esther spends time at several mental hospitals, the last one paid for by her college benefactor, the writer who is named Philomena Guinea. It is at this facility, Esther meets Dr. Nolan, a woman therapist, receives questionable treatments including insulin shots, and more ECT. She also meets another patient named Joan, and it is implied Joan is a lesbian who is attracted to Esther. Esther is not fond of Joan at all.

Esther also muses about her old boyfriend, Buddy. Buddy thinks the two might get married someday, but Esther won’t entertain the idea. Esther thinks Buddy is a hypocrite because he lost his virginity to another woman instead of staying pure for Esther. It is also found out that Joan also dated buddy (even though she may be heavily closeted).

During her sessions with Dr. Nolan, Esther bemoans the life women back then must lead and she wants to have the same freedom men have, which includes everything from having sex (Dr. Nolan suggest Esther be fitted with a diaphragm), and to have a full life outside of total domesticity. And as the The Bell Jar ends, Buddy visits Esther and wonders if he’s the cause of both Esther and Joan going crazy and ended up hospitalized. Perhaps he did have a part in it, but who cares? Esther is relieved when Buddy decides to end their non-engagement. Now she is free to really live.

While reading The Bell Jar, I could understand why it was so groundbreaking when it was published in 1963. It portrayed a young woman who had ambition beyond getting married and having oodles of children. It’s wonderful Esther is smart and has goals her life that don’t necessarily include marriage and motherhood solely. And as someone who has dealt with mental health issues, I appreciate a novel that spoke of one woman’s struggle and her fight to remedy herself.

However, in 2024, The Bell Jar just cuts different. For one thing, there is a lot of racism in this book. Esther talks about the ugliness of Peruvians and Aztecs. She also keeps referring to a Black orderly at the mental hospital as the Negro. He is never given a name or just referred to his profession as an orderly. Plus, I found Esther to be rather insufferable to the other women in the book whether it was her mother (who struggled greatly to raise her without Esther’s father) or looking down on a woman in the neighborhood who is raising a large brood of children.

Still, I do think The Bell Jar is an important work. Just keep in mind how things have changed since the fifties when it takes place, and in 1963, when it was published. And be grateful things have changed for women in the past sixty years…or have they? Hmm.

Reading to Reels: The Commitments

Back in 1991, charming Irish film was released. It was called The Commitments. Based on the 1987 novel of the same name by Roddy Doyle, The Commitments was about a band trying to make it the gritty and struggling city of Dublin, Ireland.

Meet Jimmy Rabbitte (Robert Arkins). Jimmy is on the dole and lives with his parents on the northside of Dublin. But that doesn’t mean he’s a total slacker who lacks ambition. He wants to manage a band, an no, this band won’t follow in the footsteps of their fellow Irish citizens like U2 or Sinead O’Connor (RIP). Instead, Jimmy wants the band to follow the 1960s’ soulful musical stylings of Black American singers and musicians.

At first, Jimmy puts an ad in the local newspaper asking for aspiring singers and musicians. He holds auditions in his parents’ parlor. Unfortunately, these auditions are not fruitful. Nobody can fill Jimmy’s soulful aspirations. Jimmy then looks to his friends to make the band, which includes lead singer Deco Cuffe (Andrew Strong), keyboardist Steven Clifford (Michael Aherne), bassist Derek Scully (Kenneth McCluskey), lead guitarist Outspan Foster (Glen Hansard), sax player Dean Fay (Felim Gormley), and drummer Billy Mooney (Dick Massey). Three local girls, Bernie McGloughlin (Bronagh Gallagher), Natalie Murphy (Maria Doyle), and Imelda Quirke (Angeline Ball) are brought onboard to be back-up singers. Jimmy soon meets an older man by the name of Joey “The Lips” Fagan (Johnny Murphy). Johnny has been playing music for decades and boasts about meeting many musical legends.

It is Jay who comes up with the band’s name The Commitments. But it is a long road before hit records and sold-out shows at famous arenas through out the world. The Commitments have a lot of work to do to reach musical greatness.

First the band has to procure musical instruments. Steven’s grandmother sells them a drum kit and a piano. And Duffy procures the rest of the instruments through some rather dodgy maneuvers. The Commitments find a rehearsal place to hone their musical stylings. The Commitments get their first gig at a local church’s community center. The band claims its a benefit to combat drug addiction (heroin was a huge problem in 1980s Ireland).

The Commitments draw a sizable crowd, but the gig doesn’t quite go as well as planned. Equipment malfunctions causing a power outage. And it doesn’t exactly help matters when Deco accidentally beams Derek with his microphone stand. Oops.

Though the Commitments are tight on stage, things aren’t exactly harmonious behind the scenes. Deco becomes an out-of-control diva. After one brawl between Deco and Billy, Mickah Wallace (Dave Finnegan), who had been acting as security for the band, takes over on the drums. Billy has had enough. And then there is also a scuffle when Jimmy is confronted about paying for the instruments he procured for the band. Mickah beats up Duffy, who is then escorted out of the gig. Meanwhile, Joey manages to woo and bed Bernie, Natalie, and Imelda. No, not at the same time. It’s not that kind of movie. But how do you think Joey “The Lips” Fagan got his nickname? Wink, wink.

However, despite all the backstage chaos and romantic shenanigans, The Commitments are gaining a considerable following and more and more gigs. They are local musical heroes. Then Joey tells them some interesting news when the band gets yet another gig. Joey tells his bandmates that the Wilson Pickett will be in Dublin for a concert, and because he and Joey are tight, Wilson can join The Commitments for a performance. Jimmy is so excited, he tells some local journalists this juicy tidbit and convinces them to come to this gig. It will be major. Will Wilson show up? Things do look doubtful, and Deco and Jimmy get into a row. And this also causes quite a bit of of protest amongst the audience, but they are placated once the band plays the Wilson Pickett classic, “In the Midnight Hour.” Things don’t go very well for the band after the gig. Big fights break out and thus, it looks like The Commitments are over when they are just beginning.

In the end, The Commitments don’t reach the musical heights they had hoped for, and the film ends with a montage narrated by Jimmy of where the band members are post-The Commitments. Imelda gets married and is forbidden to sing by her husband, but Natalie becomes a successful solo singer and Bernie is in a country band. Steven is now doctor. Outspan and Derek are street buskers. Dean formed a jazz band. Joey claims on a postcard to his mother that he’s touring with Joe Tex. Too bad Joe Tex is dead. Mickah is the singer of a punk band. And as for Deco, well, he got a record deal and is still a diva and a royal pain in the arse.

Directed by Alan Parker (who also directed the original Fame movie released in 1980), The Commitments wasn’t necessarily a huge hit when it was initially released in 1991. But since then, has become a beloved cult classic. The movie spawned two soundtracks that were big hits and introduced iconic soulful songs and sounds to a new generation. And the cast is still involved in acting and/or music. Glen Hansard is probably the best known. He was in another Irish charmer, Once, and one an Oscar for the song “Falling Slowly.”

I loved The Commitments. The cast has incredible chemistry, the music is fabulous, and Parker truly captures the grittiness of Dublin back in the day. The Colm Meaney nearly steals the show as Jimmy’s Elvis-loving father. The Commitments is a delight!

Book Review: Class-A Memoir of Motherhood, Hunger, and Higher Education by Stephanie Land

We were first introduced to author Stephanie Land with her debut Memoir Class (which I reviewed nearly five years ago in 2019). Maid chronicled Land’s escape from an abusive relationship with her young daughter in tow. Life was so precarious for the two of them. The faced homelessness and a tattered safety net when it comes to getting public assistance. Land tried to support herself and her daughter by cobbling together housekeeping jobs, which mostly paid really crappy wages and where far to many people don’t value as truly hard work. Maid became a blockbuster best-selling book and the Netflix series based on Maid was critically-acclaimed and a hit with audiences, and gained Land more readers and fans. Now Land is back with another memoir Class: A Memoir of Motherhood, Hunger, and Higher Learning.

In Class, Land is now living in Montana with her daughter Emilia. She’s still trying to support the both of them by taking on housekeeping and cleaning gigs. But struggle and poverty follow them. Land is also attending the University of Montana in pursuit of a degree in creative writing. A degree doesn’t guarantee Land will obtain a six figure job with a fancy, impressive title. But it may help her get out of poverty and provide her and Emilia with a much better life.

Land still faces difficulty. Struggle and impoverishment continue to plague Land and affect nearly every decision she makes. Land tries to balance taking care of Emilia, procure housekeeping gigs, and got to school and do her homework. I went to college with a lot of single moms, so I can easily imagine how monumental this was for Land.

Though Land’s ex isn’t completely out of the picture as he takes Emilia in during her summers off between school, he’s a total ass when it comes to paying child support. This ex has a decent job, so it’s not like he can’t help pay for Emilia’s care. Land’s concern for Emilia’s needs are viewed as a mere irritant like a buzzing mosquito rather than something that should be fulfilled by Emilia’s very own father.

Land and Emilia live in a ramshackle house with roommates. The house is very drafty during Montana’s brutal winters, and cupboards and refrigerator are often bare. Land tries to cobble some type of safety night through public aid like food stamps, but the help she reaches out for is often not there. As she seeks help, Land has to jump through many hoops and condescension and rudeness from social workers. And after all of that, she still denied the bare minimum she and Emilia desperately need. She’s told her freelance cleaning gigs don’t count as “real work,” and her pursuit of an education is frivolous and unneccessary.

And then there is Land’s pursuit of her degree. At the University of Montana, Land is an anomaly at the university. There aren’t many thirtysomething single moms in her classes. Land is more than a decade older than her classmates. But Land tries to pay of that no mind, as she buckles down with her classes, homework, and papers. And unlike her classmates, Land doesn’t have a lot of family support. Not to mention, she couldn’t exactly indulge in such collegiate pursuits like frat parties and spring breaks in Florida.

With her struggles and housekeeping work, Land is kind of seen as a “working class writer” at the university. Writing is just in her blood; Land knows she must write. She’s a storyteller at heart. She does seek out mentorship from her program’s director. This director had attended grad school as a single mom, and later wrote a book about these experiences. But instead of acting as a mentor, this woman rebuffs Land. Ah, the whole “I got mine; fuck the rest of you,” an infuriating and all-too-common trope. Not everyone who has been in similar circumstances is an ally.

Okay, Land does get into some situations that may make readers a wee bit judgmental. She has fly-by-night relationships with men where pregnancy is the result. Though Land is in her thirties by this time, she doesn’t really seem to be concerned about birth control and getting pregnant. One pregnancy prompts Land to get an abortion. But with the second pregnancy in this time, Land decides to keep the baby. It’s baffling how Land is going to handle another child while she’s dealing with school, Emilia, a crappy ex, poverty, and cobbling together housekeeping gigs. And through all of this, Land realizes who is in her corner and who isn’t. And in the end, Land graduates about to give birth to her second daughter, Coraline, with Emilia by her side.

Like Maid, Land is brutally honest with the obstacles she faced and those she made. She shows fierce love for her children and a lot of guts and grit as she tries to fulfill her dream of an education and success as a writer. Being poor single mom, I’m sure there are people out there who think Land should have studied something more practical than creative writing like accounting or she should have learned how to code or something. But why should creative pursuits be only for the privileged and well-to-do? Class will definitely challenge those assumptions.

Class is yet another literary feather in Land’s cap, and proves Maid was no one-hit-wonder fluke. Perhaps Netflix should look into making another limited series based on Stephanie Land’s Class.

Book Review: A Single Revolution-Don’t Look for a Match. Light one. by Shani Silver

We’re one week away from Valentine’s Day. Women everywhere have dreams of receiving roses and chocolates from their significant other. They hope for a romantic dinner, and maybe something sparkly from Tiffany’s or for those less flush with cash, Zales.

But Valentine’s Day can be pretty brutal for the single ladies whos romantic life is looking a bit barren. Sure, plenty of women will celebrate “Galentine’s Day” of February 13th thanks to the popular sitcom Parks and Recreation. And some women may choose to treat themselves to a dozen long-stemmed roses. But despite all that, even women confident in their singlehood can feel like they are less this time of year.

Writer and podcasterShani Silver feels our pain. She, too, has been desperate to be in a relationship. She’s has gone on a lot of dates, she’s has friends set her up, she’s spent lots of time on dating apps, has had some not so good boyfriends (and ones who were great, but not the one). All of this has left her pretty frustrated. Is it better to embrace singleness and not focus so much on being in a relationship 24/7? Silver discusses this in her book A Single Revolution. Don’t Look For a Match. Light One.

There is no of advice aimed at single women, especially heterosexual women, on how to get and keep a man. Books like The Rules, He’s Just Not That Into You, and Suzanne Venker’s odious How To Get Married, which I reviewed several years ago, all give conflicted and often women-shaming advice on how to nab Mr. Right. There are podcasts and websites filled with advice, too. And spare me all the so-called dating and relationship coaches who consider themselves experts even though their expertise seems nebulous at best.

Silver is not of the mind that single people rule, and coupled people drool. She completely understands the desire to find love. She wants to find love. What Silver is championing is the idea that women would feel they’re fine being single. There is nothing wrong with being single.

In A Single Revolution, Silver fully admits she’s been through it all when it comes to the pursuit of love and relationships. As mentioned, she’s been a lot of blind dates. Friends and family have set her up with the “perfect guy” for her. And she spent plenty of time trying to find love using dating apps. Silver also got bombarded with advice like “Don’t be so picky. Lower your standards” and “Don’t worry, sweetie. You’ll find him when you least expect it.” I bet some of the women reading this review have done the same things and have received the same advice. Yet, getting a ring and ending up at The Chapel of Love.

All of this made Silver feel like a total loser in a world that puts marriage and coupledom on a pedestal. But Silver decided not to browbeat herself, and instead change the framework about being single. She stopped making dating her job. She quit the dating apps. And she began to focus on other things in her life that brought her joy.

Things for Silver began to get a better. She’s still open to love. But now that she hasn’t made that her sole focus, she’s less stressed out, and her world has opened up to new possibilities in her life (like her podcast and this book). She calls out the well-meaning people who force their advice on single people. And she calls out the dating apps for being more about making money than you finding your one and only. So if you got Bumble on Tinder on your smart phone you might want to delete them.

A Single Revolution fully articulates what so many women have gone through when it comes to the dating scene. (One caveat-Silver has written A Single Revolution from the point of view of a cisgender, straight woman). A lot of what Silver talks about in this book is very relatable and will validate a lot of the things so many of us women have been through. And though it is easy to be cynical, I finished reading A Single Revolution feeling hopeful. Being single can open so many new possibilities in one’s life, and we can still be open to love. In fact, it just might help us find the one, and if not, that’s perfectly okay.

Book Review: Until September by Harker Jones

The staid 1950s are rapidly evolving into the upheaval of the 1960s. Kyle Ryan Quinn is 18 years old. And before he matriculates at Princeton, he’s spending the summer after his senior year in high school at his family’s island vacation home. Kyle’s close friends are also with him. His friends are experimenting with drugs and sex, and those things are opening up, Kyle is holding onto a deep secret. Kyle is gay.

Kyle then meets Jack Averill. Jack is reserved and bookish and beautiful. Kyle is instantly smitten. And when these two privileged young men finally meet, they strike up a quick friendship. They fall in love and their ardor cannot be extinguished.

Kyle and Jack’s love affair is quite passionate and yes, clandestine. They can’t let anyone know about their relationship. Even though people are becoming more open-minded when it comes to sex and sexuality, being gay is still considered something to be ashamed of and hidden.

As Kyle and Jack’s relationship intensifies, they wonder how their friends will react if they find out about the two of them. Kyle’s friends, who he has known since he was a child, have their own issues. One of them impregnates a local girl and convinces her to get an abortion only for this brief interlude to end tragically. And another friends is holding amorous feelings for Kyle.

And then there are Kyle and Jack’s families. How will their parents react if they find out? Kyle’s older brother has recently died and the truth about his relationship with Jack may break his parents’ hearts.

Kyle and Jack are soon found out, and the reaction isn’t positive. And just as soon as Jack has entered Kyle’s life, he disappears. Kyle goes on a mad search seeking out Jack. Will he find him, his true love?

Until September is riveting and written with tenderness and care. You truly feel for Kyle and Jack, and want their love to flourish. Now, I will mention that Until September isn’t written with numbered or titled chapters. Instead, it is written is segments, some several pages long, some only a few paragraphs. At first I found this to be a bit jarring, but after I got into the story it didn’t really matter.

Until September proves that first loves don’t always end in happily ever after, but they are potent, memorable, and shape us forever.

Author! Author!: An Interview with Suzette Mullen

A contributor to the New York Times “Modern Love” series and a writing coach, Suzette Mullen seemed to have it all. She was married to a successful man, and her adult sons were happy and thriving. She even had a vacation home! But something under the surface was amiss in Suzette’s life. She soon realized she was deeply in love with her best friend-a women-for two decades. But she wondered if she acted on those feelings how would they tear up the life she had known so well.

Suzette shares her story about coming out and being her true self in her upcoming memoir “The Only Way Through is Out” published by University of Wisconsin Press, and will be released on February 13, 2024.

Suzette was kind enough to grant me an interview where she discusses her book, her life, and helping others embrace their true selves. Enjoy!

Many people realize from a young age they are gay, but you didn’t realize this until you were older. How did you deal with coming out at mid-life and how did it affect your life? 

This is exactly the story I share in my memoir THE ONLY WAY THROUGH IT OUT! Coming out at any age has its own set of challenges. My coming-out challenge was that I had an entire established identity and life rooted in the heterosexual paradigm—a husband, two young adult children, colleagues, friends, and extended family who knew me as straight. The cost of coming out, of living authentically, was “blowing up” that life and potentially hurting people I loved. I had to decide whether I had the stomach and courage to leave behind the safe, comfortable life I knew to step into an unknown future. Life on the other side of that very tough decision feels very different, personally and professionally. Change was—and is—hard and life-giving. Finally stepping into the fullness of who I am feels incredible. I may have thrown a bomb into my life and my family’s ecosystem, but nothing was destroyed. It all just looks differently now. Everyone appears to be thriving in their own way.

What emotions did you go through? What fears did you have? 

So many emotions and fears! First I had to learn to trust what I was hearing and feeling inside myself. Was I really gay or was I simply experiencing a one-off attraction to a female friend? At the time I was questioning my sexuality, I hadn’t even kissed a woman. Seriously, who risks everything for a life they’ve been living only in their head? Especially someone like me who had been conditioned to play it safe. I also felt a sense of relief once I came to terms with my sexual identity. So much of my past suddenly made sense, as if the scales had fallen from my eyes. But despite that clarity, I still wrestled with fear: Even if coming out and leaving my marriage was the “right thing” to do, could I actually do it? Could I do life as a single woman—as a lesbian!—and start over in my mid-fifties? I had been with my husband since I was twenty-two. And what about the people who mattered the most to me: my sons, my sister, my mom, my close friends. Would I lose them? For months, I struggled with these questions and fears. I sought advice from friends, worked with a therapist. But finally, I had to decide whose voice to listen to … and the answer was my own. 

How did you navigate going through a divorce at mid-life and starting over? 

First, I want to acknowledge that I enjoyed significant privilege in my starting-over journey: financial security, marketable job skills, and a generally supportive ex-husband. I don’t want to minimize the challenges of divorce and starting over when you don’t have these advantages. But what I can speak to are the fears and doubts many people have as they contemplate starting over—at any age. Somehow as a society we have adopted the mindset that once you’ve made your bed, you have to lie in it, and as a consequence, many of us stay stuck in unsatisfying personal and professional lives. You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to lie in that bed. You are more capable than you think. People called me brave for starting over in my mid-fifties. But I didn’t feel brave. However, ultimately, I didn’t give over my agency to fear and doubt. I didn’t let fear stop me from taking the first step and the next and the next. And on those days when fear and doubt threatened to overcome me, I called out for help and the universe responded. Friends took me in. Unexpected possibilities opened up. Synchronicities unfolded. It turns out I did have what I needed to start over. 

How did your career as a writing coach help you write your memoir? What advice would you give to others wanting to write a memoir? 

As a writer, I saw how valuable it was to have someone by my side to provide feedback and accountability, and to support me when the doubt demons inevitably whispered in my ear. As a writing and book coach, I went through a rigorous training process to further develop my understanding of craft and storytelling, as well as my knowledge of the publishing landscape. This training, as well as my ongoing work with writers, gave me the tools I needed to write a book I am proud of and land a book deal with a publisher who valued my story. The advice I’d give to people wanting to write a memoir comes from my own writing journey:

• Writing a memoir is an act of bravery. It’s vulnerable and scary. Make sure you take care of yourself and have a support system in place as you dig into your past, especially if you are writing about trauma.
• Be patient. Meaningful memoirs aren’t written in thirty days, despite what you might have heard on the internet!
• Your story is not the things that happened to you; it’s the meaning you make of those events. Keep digging until you discover the real story you were meant to tell.
• Get support. No one writes a book alone. Support can come in many forms: a writing partner, a writing group, or a writing coach. 
• Finally, your story matters. I hope you’ll write it. Someone out there needs to read it.

How do you hope your experience and your memoir will inspire and help others in the LGBTQ+ community? 

Every day I see people in online LGBTQ+ support groups who can’t imagine how they are going to come out or if they have already come out, how they will possibly get through the messy middle. I hope my memoir will help these folx feel seen, understood, and less alone, and feel hope that it’s possible to get to the other side of the struggle and create a thriving life. I hope my story will inspire them to find the courage to live their “one wild and precious life,”  as poet Mary Oliver so eloquently stated. To not waste their one wild and precious life living a life that isn’t truly their own. Yes, there is a cost to authenticity, and the cost is worth it. Finally, I’m proof positive that it’s never too late for a new beginning. It’s never too late to live authentically and write a new story for yourself.

Any future projects you want to tell us about? 

Yes! I’ve launched a mentorship and community exclusively for LGBTQ+ memoir and nonfiction writers called WRITE YOURSELF OUT where writers find accountability, professional support in a judgment-free zone, and a step-by-step process that meets them wherever they are in the journey from idea to publication. I’m loving the energy of this community and the growth I’m seeing in my writers, and I invite anyone who might be interested in joining the mentorship to please reach out. I’m also at the early stages of outlining my next book, which will be a memoir about how to hold grief and joy together after a big leap. What I’ve discovered is that when you are living authentically in your personal life it spills over to your professional life. That certainly has been the case for me. I’m thriving professionally in my sixties more than in any other decade of my life. Another reminder that it’s never too late!