Book Review: Savvy Auntie: Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, and All Women Who Love Kids by Melanie Notkin

A few years ago, I wrote a review of Melanie Notkin’s book Otherhood: Modern Women Finding A New Kind of Happiness. I wasn’t crazy about the book; in fact, I hated it. However, I first became aware of Ms. Notkin’s work when I read her much better book Savvy Auntie: Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, and All Women Who Love Kids. I wrote a review of it for another publication, and decided to dust it off, edit it a bit, and publish it here. Enjoy.

I became an aunt 18 years ago when my nephew Fredrick was born, and then again nearly three years later with the birth of my niece, Claire. From the moment I met these two precious bundles I was completely smitten by them, and I relish being an auntie.

Or should I say I relish being a Savvy Auntie?

Melanie Notkin’s book Savvy Auntie: Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, and All Women Who Love Kids discusses the fun and joy in playing such a role in a child’s life. Playing with nieces and nephews, reading to them, telling secrets, sharing family and holiday traditions and discovering are just a few of the joys of being an aunt. In the book, real-life aunties share memories and stories on why being an aunt is such a wonderful thing, and while reading it, I couldn’t help but reminisce about the fun times I’ve had with Fredrick and Claire.

The book comes with a host of practical advice for aunties, like how to throw a baby shower, first aid tips, baby proofing your home, traveling with kids (always have snacks on hand) and how to contribute to a niece or nephew’s college education.

The book is also peppered with fun facts and trivia. Want to know what kind of aunt you are by your birth sign? Savvy Auntie will let you know. (As a Pisces, I am apparently the empathetic and intuitive … but I’ll let Fredrick and Claire be the judge of that). Can you name any famous aunties in pop culture? Well, there is the neurotic Aunt Jackie from Roseanne and Opie Taylor’s kindly Aunt Bee from The Andy Griffith Show. And you certainly can’t forget Auntie Mame from the iconic film of the same name who declared “Life is a banquet, and most poor fools are starving to death!”

While the book is a delightful read, I do have a couple of reservations. I’m not a big fan of the overdose of pink in the illustrations and graphics. Yes, I know this is a book for women, but women like other colors in the rainbow. Also, Notkin tends to insert “aunt” into other words, which gets to be quite obnoxious. For example: “entourage” becomes “auntourage,” “entrepreneur” becomes “auntrepreneur.” We get it. You can stop now.

Still, those quibbles are minor. For the most part, Savvy Auntie is a joy to read, informative and the perfect book for both newly-minted aunties and aunties with years of experience.

(And just a special shout out to my sister, Julie — I know I’ve been an auntie for quite a while, but it is never too late to throw me a “DebutAunt Ball.” I don’t need anything fancy. Just get mom’s recipe for Brandy Smash and pick up a bucket of KFC’s original recipe and I’ll be a happy camper.)

Book Marks

In this day and age of Amazon and chain bookstores, it’s a comfort to find amazing independent books shops. And eight of them are located right here in Milwaukee, including one of my favorites Boswell Book Company.

Can we get this creative little girl a book deal? I just adore “Humans of New York.” It’s so life-affirming. Life-affirming? Did I just turn into Oprah?

Why should young whipper-snappers get all the book deals? Fifty and over? Write that book!

Forget spring cleaning; how about some spring reading?

As a woman who has chosen not to have children, I totally want to read this book!

 

No Kidding: Women Writers on Bypassing Parenthood Edited by Henriette Mantel

With shows like “19 Kids and Counting” and “Teen Mom” taking up our airwaves, hyper-focus on celebrity baby bumps, and the tiresome “mommy wars,” you might forget there are women who have eschewed baby making. Sure, some childfree women find support groups on Internet message boards and blogs, but for the most part you’re not going to find many books on the topic of women going through life sans kids. That’s why as a childfree woman I was delighted to find the book No Kidding: Women Writers on Bypassing Parenthood edited by Emmy award winning writer, producer, actress, stand-up comic and director (and childfree woman) Henriette Mantel.

In No Kidding, the writers focus on why they don’t have kids, and their reasons are pretty diverse. Some women knew from a very early age that they didn’t want kids. Some women did want children and even went to great lengths to get pregnant but infertility issues got in the way. Ultimately, these women find themselves embracing their life without offspring. And there are woman whose lives focused were focused on other things-education, careers, travel, hobbies-and they just find themselves not mothers.

Some of the women whose essays are featured in No Kidding are names that you know. Comedian Margaret Cho writes about choosing not children in a Korean-American culture that puts children on a pedestal and jokes that if she ever gets a yearning to have a kid she’ll adopt one from China because as she jokes, “who’s going to know the difference?”

One a more serious note, former Saturday Night Live cast member Nora Dunn gets into the thorny debate on abortion and asks why so many pro-lifers don’t seem to care about the welfare of children once they are born.

Actress Jennifer Coolidge may have played one of the most famous cinematic moms ever, Stifler’s mom in “American Pie” (you know, the original MILF), provides a very witty foreword to No Kidding. Her reason for not having kids? She just can’t handle multi-tasking. She recalls a story about having her mom hold her gum while she went to the bathroom. Coolidge just couldn’t handle a piece of Bazooka and taking a piss. Hmm, is the kind of woman who could handle getting Bazooka gum out of a toddler’s hair while changing her baby’s pissed-stained diaper?

Then there are notable essays written by women who may not be as well-known but whose views, thoughts, experiences and insight makes for some very good essays. Valri Bromfield’s jokes that Motherhood Personality Disorder (MPD) should be recognized by the psychiatric community. According to Bromfield MPD has several notable features including intrusive preoccupation with offspring, episodes of major martyrdom, and intermittent cooking and cleaning. Hmm, I bet even moms reading this review will say to themselves, “MPD? I know so many moms afflicted with this.”

Wendy Liebman might not be considered truly childfree because she does have stepchildren. However, as she writes about her stepkids awesomeness, she also raves that she got to have these kids in her life without doing all the painstaking work of actually raising kids.

On a more poignant note Laurie Graff mentions she does feel a bit of melancholy about not having kids when faced with family photos posted on various Facebook pages.  Patricia Scanlon really wanted to have kids but hit the brick wall of infertility. However, she soon embraced the idea of living a childfree life and is thriving (complete with a beloved dog named Dudley).

Plenty of the essayists in No Kidding are devoted aunties and enjoy being around children (granted, on a very limited basis). But there are also essayists who would prefer to shovel turds in Hell than have kids. They never played with dolls when they were little girls, and aren’t exactly fans of babies, toddlers, young children or teenagers. Then again, we all know of women who did have kids but don’t exactly seem like the biggest fans of babies, toddlers, young children or teenagers.

If I do have a problem with No Kidding, it is the writers are all in some capacity, working in show business. Many of them are stand-up comics, writers, actresses, directors, and playwrights. I’m all for creative types, but I would have also liked to read stories by women who are nurses, professors, bankers, administrative assistants, social workers or bartenders. Most of these writers appear to be baby boomers or older Generation X-ers. I would have liked to have read essays written by Millennials or on the other age spectrum women who have reached their “Golden Girl” years. Hey, one of the most famous childfree women out there is the 91-year-old Betty White.

Still, I found No Kidding to be an enjoyable and interesting read. I think most childfree women will find a lot of support and understanding within the pages of No Kidding, and I bet a lot of moms will also appreciate some of the essays. There are many ways to leave a legacy that have nothing to do with having children. No Kidding may not exactly leave a legacy, but it definitely shows us that women can live truly vital lives without ever being called, “mom.”