Book Review: Late Bloomer-Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife by Melissa Giberson

There is this idea that gay people knew they were gay from a very young age. Some were able to grasp their sexual orientation in their youth, where others were deeply in the closet for a long time. But there are also people who don’t truly realize they are gay until they are much older. Actors Meredith Baxter and Kelly McGillis came out when they were middle-aged and after they had been married to men and had children.

Not so famous, but with an important story to tell is Melissa Giberson, whose memoir Late Bloomer: Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife speaks her truth from being a married mom of two to an open lesbian happy in her truth and all the messiness and adversity in-between.

Melissa Giberson was in her gym’s locker room when she found herself captivated by a naked women applying lotion to her legs. This wasn’t a simple glance. No, Giberson was absolutely mesmerized by this woman, which caused her to ask herself, “Am I gay?”

Giberson was in her mid forties, married to her husband for nearly two decades, a devoted mother to a daughter and a son, and working as an occupational therapist. She thought she had ticked off all the boxes of adulthood. She obtained a college degree. She married a man. She had two children. And she had a good job. But why were these feelings bubbling within her? Why was she having amorous feelings towards women?

Then she met a woman named Raia, a patient at her therapy practice. A simple kiss with Raia awakened more underlining feelings and they began an affair. Giberson’s marriage to her husband wasn’t exactly hot and heavy, and she was busy with the minutiae of work, running her household, and preparing for her daughter’s bat mitzvah. This affair was a spark that inspired Giberson to learn more about her budding sexuality, realizing that maybe she had been gay all along.

Giberson, needing to understand more about what she was going through, sought out answers. She went to therapy and spoke to rabbis. And she also consulted the internet to figure more things out about being a lesbian. Still, Giberson wanted to stay true to her marriage even if it was rocky, and at the same time, she was truly envious of those who were out of the closet and embracing their true sexual orientation.

But it wasn’t long before Giberson realized she had to be true to herself. She came out to her family. Needless to say, they were gobsmacked. And Giberson and her husband began divorce proceedings. Not surprisingly, the divorce was less than amicable. And though you want Giberson to embrace her sexual orientation, you also understand her husband’s anger and bitterness. Also, being a child of divorce herself, Giberson was especially protective of her children. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Slowly, but surely, Giberson began accept being a lesbian and found friendship and acceptance among the LGBTQ community. And it was one woman, Vivian, who helped Giberson claim her true self despite the chaos of her divorce and navigating the dating world as a lesbian.

In the end, Giberson comes out whole and happy, but wise to the way one’s decisions can affect others and well as oneself. Late Bloomer is a memoir that is introspective and honest, and gets to the heart of accepting yourself as you truly are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Book Review: Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner

In Jennifer Weiners expansive novel Mrs. Everything, she tells the intricate tale of two very different sisters and their lives change, diverge, and merge together from the staid and sober 1950s through the upheaval of the 1960s and 1970s and onto the modern day.

Meet the Kaufman sisters, Josette (Jo) and Elizabeth (Bethie). Despite being related, Joe and Bethie couldn’t be any more dissimilar. Jo is a tomboy who loves to tell wild tales and dreams of travel and adventure. Bethie is pretty and charming. She loves singing and acting in both school and temple productions, and seems destined to be the proper wife and mother.

But as they grow older and come of age, Jo and Bethie’s lives take completely contradictory paths. Jo gets married, has three girls, and tries to be the proper and contented suburban housewife. Meanwhile, Bethie goes off the rails, gets involved in the counterculture, and ends up living in a commune.

Jo and Bethie’s story begins in the 1950s where they are being raised by their widowed mother in Detroit. Both have deep, dark secrets. Jo is a lesbian and she is trying desperately to keep this hidden. And Bethie is being molested by a very sleazy uncle.

It’s when both girls go to college their lives take unexpected twists and turns. Jo has an affair with the love of her life, Shelly, who later breaks Jo’s heart when she marries a man. Jo gets involved in the civil rights movement and other social issues. After graduation, she wants to be a world traveler. Bethie, on the other hand, finds flirting and having a boyfriend more important than studying and getting good grades. And she becomes quite the campus party girl.

But tragedy hits Bethie when she is brutally raped and ends up pregnant. Jo, who is now traveling overseas, cuts her vacation short, comes back to the States, and helps Bethie procure an illegal abortion. This becomes a secret that must remain only with the sisters.

As the 1960s turn into the 1970s, the Kaufman sisters’ live take on more disparate turns. Despite being gay, Jo marries a man, has three daughters, and struggles to find contentment in suburbia. Bethie is fully entrenched in the counterculture, belongs to a commune, but finds success selling homemade jam.

The go-go yuppie 1980s arrive, and both Jo and Bethie discover they have an entrepreneurial spirit. Jo has started teaching the neighborhood ladies fitness routines and aerobics. Bethie goes from the counterculture to boss babe when her jam making business takes off.

Jo and Bethie’s personal lives also go through some changes. Jo finds out her husband is cheating on her with one of her (former) best friends, and goes through a very messy divorce. And Bethie finally settles down with an old high school friend. However, she and her husband do face some hostility due to Bethie being white and Jewish, and her husband being Black and the son of a preacher.

As the 1990s and the 21st century come around, the Kaufman sisters are still facing challenges but all come to grips with their lives and the women they have become. Jo may even find love again with someone from her past, and Bethie’s marriage is in it for the long haul.

For the most part, I appreciated how Weiner captured the changing lives of women from the 1950s to the modern age through the lives of Jo and Bethie. However, I do have one quibble. The section that takes place when both sisters are at college was really off. I wasn’t around in 1962, but I hardly think boys back then were wearing their hair past their shoulders, girls were adorned in hippie-like outfits, people were protesting the Vietnam War, and hard drugs ran rampant. These scenarios seemed more out of the late 1960s, than the early 1960s. This was a glaring misstep on Weiner’s part.

Still, Mrs. Everything is a very engrossing read with two very fascinating characters.