Book Review: NSFW by Isabel Kaplan

When I came across Isabel Kaplan’s novel, NSFW, I asked myself, “Can I possibly read another book about a Millennial working in a ‘glamorous’ industry?” Well, after reading NSFW, I most certainly can!

As NSFW begins, our unnamed narrator (who I will call MC for Main Character) has just graduated from Harvard and has moved back to Los Angeles. Through nepotism and her mother’s connections to the head of development, Robert Braun, MC gets a low level assistant job at the fictional network XBC. It’s the the early 2010s. Network television still has some currency and streaming services are in their infancy. MC knows her new position is just a start but she hopes with her hard work and determination she’ll climb the corporate ladder to success.

MC is ambitious and smart, and is willing to put in the hard work to get ahead (as long as she can keep her dignity).We get to seen the inner sanctum of a TV network, from program pitches to getting a program on the air. But we also learn of the less than ideal machinations that permeate a great deal of work places. NSFW isn’t just about one young woman trying to make it in show business and the corporate world. It’s also about the patriarchal structures that still affect our world in the modern day. Sexual harassment, rape, and sleazy innuendo remarks abound at XBC. MC tries to stay above the fray, but gets sucked in without her consent. It isn’t long before MC hears about the rape allegations of a huge star of one of the biggest hits on XBC, and how it was nearly covered up by the network.

MC also goes through several changes to keep up with living in Los Angeles and working in the industry, you can never be too hot or too thin. And MC goes through great lengths to look good-manicures, coloring her hair, and making sure she never packs on the pounds. She also tries to do the proper networking and meeting the right people so she can climb up that corporate ladder. Outside of work MC starts dating a sweet, supportive guy, but seems uncomfortable in a relationship. She also has a roommate who swears by the power of crystals and is in a “throuple” with a couple. This is LA were talking about. I can’t imagine a throuple in Boise, Idaho, but who knows?

And then there is MC’s relationship with her mother. MC’s mother is a powerful attorney and an advocate for victims of rape and sexual assault. MC’s parents divorced years ago, and MC’s mother is still bitter about it. She often spills her guts to MC almost making her a unpaid therapist. MC’s mothers manipulations and martyrdom is incredibly obnoxious and made me quite uncomfortable while reading NSFW. MC also smokes pot with her mother. Hmm, when my mom and I get together, we play Scrabble. Is this the difference between Silent Generation moms with Gen X daughters and Baby Boomer moms with Millennial daughters? I wonder.

When Robert Braun at XBC is accused of some very sleazy behavior, NSFW goes into a weird twist. Instead of supporting Braun’s accusers, MC’s mother instead supports her longtime friends. MC is completely appalled, especially consider she knows someone at XBC who has been sexually harassed by Braun, and she herself, was assaulted by a co-worker. How could her mother betray women by supporting a completely disgusting man like Robert Braun?

In the course of her time at XBC, MC learns so much about what it’s like to be a woman in the workplace, and despite all the work people have done to make rape and sexual harassment seriously, we still have such a long way too go. Remember NSFW takes place in the early 2010s. There was no MeToo movement, Bill Cosby was still a favorite TV dad, Harvey Weinstein was known for Oscar winning movies, and a President who bragged about grabbing pussy had not yet sullied the White House. Even in 2023, we are dealing with these issues.

NSFW is not a light hearted chick lit read about a young women, fresh-faced, just starting out in the big city in a glamorous industry. NSFW is a very exacting look at world that isn’t so positive for women, fraught family relationships, and the difficulty of finding your place and your purpose. NSFW is also quite triggering and portrays a lot of truly upsetting things. There were passages where I actually gasped out loud when I read about what MC and her coworkers went through. But I do think NSFW is an important and very well-written novel, and I’m hoping Isabel Kaplan has a sequel up her sleeve. I really want to know what MC is up to in 2023.

The Problem with Everything-My Journey Through the New Culture Wars by Meghan Daum

In her 2019 book, The Problem with Everything: My Journey Through the New Culture Wars, author Meghan Daum takes on a host of topics. These topics include the Trump presidency, feminism in the modern day, cancel culture, and the differences between Gen X and Millennials.

In The Problem With Everything, Daum writes about being a kid in the 1970s, a time of of the TV show Zoom and when girls weren’t forced into the color pink. Things were a bit more unisex back then. She writes about the 1980s, when women were climbing the corporate ladder, yet were admonished as selfish careerists in a time of latchkey kids. And she also covers the 1990s, when she was in college and an intern in New York City. She looks back at these decades and compares them to the modern day. How have things changed? How have things not changed?

One things Daum talks about is the cancellation of people who may have a difference of opinion. She wonders where is the nuance and critical thinking when it comes to various issues. Perhaps, in the day of social media, where one tweet can be misconstrued, this may no longer be the case. Everything is so black and white. Will we ever embrace the gray in-between? Will conservatives and liberals offer each other an olive branch?

When it comes to feminism, Daum thinks it has accomplished most things. And yes, many women are better off than their grandmothers. But we still have a long way to go. She also questions the feminism of Millennials, which can come across as both celebrating victimization and calling oneself a “badass.” We’ve gone from Riot Grrrl to #Girlboss, but what does it mean? I know one, thing. Gen X feminists were also looked down upon back in the 1990s.

Daum also discusses the dissolution of her marriage, the state of the college campus then and now, and how people are afraid of the most mildest of criticism, worried they will be brandished a racist, homophobe, or misogynist. There’s really a lot to unpack these days.

I found Daum’s writing to be enlightening and interesting even though I didn’t agree with her on everything. But she does bring up some very compelling ideas that should provoke debate and discussion. And I wonder what Daum’s take on the issues she she could write about in 2022 in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic, the January 6th insurrection, and the overturn of Roe V. Wade. Perhaps Daum will cover these things in her next book. I know if she does, I will definitely read it.

Book Review: Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit

I’ve been a feminist since a tender age and not ashamed to admit it. And in the age of Trump bragging about grabbing pussy to the importance of the #MeToo movement, not to mention the Kavanaugh hearings, feminism is more important than ever.

Though some anti-feminist naysayers are still stereotyping feminists as man-hating, pussy hat wearing, slutwalking dykes (or whatever), I know feminists (and feminism itself) are women and men with varying ideas, opinions, and lives who continue to shape and inspire me.

One of these feminists is writer Rebecca Solnit and her book of essays, Men Explain Things to Me. If the title seems familiar it is because Solnit wrote an essay of the same name in 2008 and it hit a nerve with every woman who has to put up with some man who wrongly assume her lady brain didn’t understand certain things, in other words, “mansplaining.”

Starting with her book with the title essay, Solnit’s collection of keenly-observed and passionately-written essays focuses on issues like rape and other sexual violence, global injustice, the meaning of marriage equality and so much more. Most essays are brief, but pack a wallop of thoughts that at are turns funny and tragic. And Solnit is smart enough to back up her essays with references and facts.

While reading Men Explain Things to Me I found myself nodding my head in agreement with Solnit’s evocative and intelligent musings, thinking to myself, “Yes, I’ve felt this way, too. I’m not the only one.” Or I found myself shaking my head, as if to say, “Damn, things are still messed up. What can we possibly do?”

Fortunately, in the final chapter, Solnit provides guidance on how we can join forces to make things better for women in our communities and throughout the globe.

Men Explain Things to Me is a slim volume but packs a meaty punch to feminism and is food for thought for feminists of all kinds.

 

Readin’, Writin’ and Rantin’

To my readers, I know a majority of you are fully woke (or whatever the vernacular is called these days) and keep abreast of social issues. And in the age of #Metoo, #Timesup or as I like to call it The Days of Weinstein and Roses, you probably heard of a less than pleasant date and sexual encounter a young woman named “Grace” had with actor, stand-up comic and author Aziz Ansari (more on Mr. Ansari later).

This incident was first reported by Katie Way for the website Babe.net. Babe.net, a website whose existence I was not aware of until several days ago. You can read Way’s article here.

But to sum it up, Grace and Asiz went on a date. Later they went back to his place where they proceeded to have sex. Grace wasn’t exactly too enthused to have sex and expressed herself using both verbal and non-verbal cues. Aziz would stop and then proceeded in ways that are both awkward and icky.

Not surprisingly Way’s article, not to mention Babe’s existence, became the ultimate clickbait and was fodder for all kinds of media, including Jezebel.com, The Atlantic, The New York Times, Samantha Bee from “Full Frontal,” and TMZ.

One person who made her opinion on this article and the murky world of dating and sex, included legal analyst Ashleigh Banfield who made her opinion known, not just on the situation but on Babe.net and Katie Way.

With her feelings hurt, Way stomped her little feet and sent a childish, snot-nosed email, which insulted the color of Banfield’s hair and her burgundy lipstick. Way also insulted Banfield’s place in journalism. Banfield wasted no time responding to Way’s hissy fit in a way that made me cheer. Here it is:

Hey, Ms. Way, when you were eating paste, Banfield was proving her journalistic mettle from ground zero at the ruins of the World Trade Center on 9/11.

Okay, Katie I’ll let you off easy for insulting Banfield’s looks and age. I’m not exactly fond of your some your generation’s use of vocal fry, up speak and thinking a quick tweet is the same of doing the hard work of fighting for women’s rights.

However, I must instruct you on Banfield being a product of second wave feminism. Banfield was a child during the heady days of second wave feminism. She came of age of the third wave a feminism, which included books like Susan Faludi’s Backlash and Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth. It was a time of Sassy magazine and when both Bust and Bitch were being launched by Generation X feminists. It was also a time of Riot Grrrl. It was a time when Generation X women were doing everything from starting their own bands to fighting for their reproductive rights. Such notable names when it comes to third wave feminism include Kathleen Hanna, Carrie Brownstein, Amy Richards, Jennifer Baumgardner, Liz Phair, Ani Di Franco, Margaret Cho, Janeane Garofalo, Jessica Valenti, Inga Muscio, Queen Latifah and Salma Hayek. It was a time of Lilith Fair, the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, movies like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and books like Cunt: A Declaration of Independence. And it pretty much kicked ass with a well-worn Doc Martin.

Furthermore, Katie. What is up with your solipsistic view that nobody under the age of 45 has heard of Ashleigh Banfield? Girl child learn your herstory. If I had told the advisor of my college newspaper I had never heard of women like Barbara Walters, Katherine Graham, Jane Pauley, Eleanor Clift, Nellie Bly, Linda Ellerbee, or Martha Gellhorn not only would I have been stripped of my title of editor I would have been kicked off the staff.

Now as for Aziz. As a fan of his, I must admit I am disappointed in his behavior if Grace’s story is true. He’s always come across as a male ally and totally feminist. But I find his behavior with Grace disturbing. It isn’t exactly rape or sexual assault, but it isn’t exactly the kind of behavior I would want from a man during sexy time. At best, he seems to a be a man in a state of arrested development who hasn’t built up the skills to decipher a woman’s words and gestures properly, which perhaps is something he should have a bit of handle on at 34 years old. At worst, he is rude and not respectful of a much younger woman with not as much life experience including when it comes to dating and sex. Aziz needs to keep that in mind.

As for Grace, part of me wants tell her to put on her big girl panties and tell her what she had was a bad date and regrettable sex. Next time be more assertive in her words and actions. Then I remind myself I’ve been in her situation and I forgot all about putting on my big girl panties and being assertive, too.

Relationships, even in our more enlightened times are still blurred. There is black and white, and murky shades of gray. Sexual situations often resemble a pot of noodles in various curlicues of confusion. And I hope as time goes on men and women will open up and discuss our individual experiences situations with compassion, mutual respect, open-mindedness, and a willingness to listen fully. I truly want all of us to get along.