I have some very sad news. My beloved cat, Pokey Jones, died this past weekend. Though it was expected, I’m still devastated. Pokey brought me so much joy. I will love and miss him forever. I will also take a brief break from this blog. Thank you for understanding.
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There is this idea that gay people knew they were gay from a very young age. Some were able to grasp their sexual orientation in their youth, where others were deeply in the closet for a long time. But there are also people who don’t truly realize they are gay until they are much older. Actors Meredith Baxter and Kelly McGillis came out when they were middle-aged and after they had been married to men and had children.
Not so famous, but with an important story to tell is Melissa Giberson, whose memoir Late Bloomer: Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife speaks her truth from being a married mom of two to an open lesbian happy in her truth and all the messiness and adversity in-between.
Melissa Giberson was in her gym’s locker room when she found herself captivated by a naked women applying lotion to her legs. This wasn’t a simple glance. No, Giberson was absolutely mesmerized by this woman, which caused her to ask herself, “Am I gay?”
Giberson was in her mid forties, married to her husband for nearly two decades, a devoted mother to a daughter and a son, and working as an occupational therapist. She thought she had ticked off all the boxes of adulthood. She obtained a college degree. She married a man. She had two children. And she had a good job. But why were these feelings bubbling within her? Why was she having amorous feelings towards women?
Then she met a woman named Raia, a patient at her therapy practice. A simple kiss with Raia awakened more underlining feelings and they began an affair. Giberson’s marriage to her husband wasn’t exactly hot and heavy, and she was busy with the minutiae of work, running her household, and preparing for her daughter’s bat mitzvah. This affair was a spark that inspired Giberson to learn more about her budding sexuality, realizing that maybe she had been gay all along.
Giberson, needing to understand more about what she was going through, sought out answers. She went to therapy and spoke to rabbis. And she also consulted the internet to figure more things out about being a lesbian. Still, Giberson wanted to stay true to her marriage even if it was rocky, and at the same time, she was truly envious of those who were out of the closet and embracing their true sexual orientation.
But it wasn’t long before Giberson realized she had to be true to herself. She came out to her family. Needless to say, they were gobsmacked. And Giberson and her husband began divorce proceedings. Not surprisingly, the divorce was less than amicable. And though you want Giberson to embrace her sexual orientation, you also understand her husband’s anger and bitterness. Also, being a child of divorce herself, Giberson was especially protective of her children. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.
Slowly, but surely, Giberson began accept being a lesbian and found friendship and acceptance among the LGBTQ community. And it was one woman, Vivian, who helped Giberson claim her true self despite the chaos of her divorce and navigating the dating world as a lesbian.
In the end, Giberson comes out whole and happy, but wise to the way one’s decisions can affect others and well as oneself. Late Bloomer is a memoir that is introspective and honest, and gets to the heart of accepting yourself as you truly are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
From where journalist Christopher Zara started out, he probably shouldn’t have ended up in the exact place he is-a respected writer and happily married man. Zara grew up in Trenton, New Jersey in a time when Trenton was falling apart as was his family. A screw up as a student, Zara was kicked out of high school for behavioral issues. He also got involved in the local punk rock scene, hanging out with some less than savory people, and once battled a seriously frightening heroin habit. And how Zara overcame these insurmountable obstacles is wonderfully told in his memoir Uneducated: Flunking Out, Falling Apart, and Finding My Worth.
Born in 1970, Zara faced a childhood familiar to many Generation X-ers. His parents’ marriage was rocky and they later divorced. He came of age in Trenton, New Jersey as it was falling apart. He got involved in punk music, which was a refuge from his home life. Though incredibly bright, school was not the place for him and he often got in trouble for misbehaving. He later dropped out but did manage to get a GED. Zara also developed a heroin habit, which he fortunately was able to kick and has lived for years drug free.
For a long time, Zara kind of sleep walked through life. He moved from place to place, and worked a lot of dead end jobs. He figured this type of life was his destiny. After all, his educational history was less than impressive. He had only a GED and no college experience, let alone an actual degree.
But what Zara did have was a lot of writing talent, and a willing to work hard and prove himself. In his mid thirties, Zara managed to get an internship at Show Business Weekly magazine, a magazine aimed at those working in the performing arts. Zara was older than most other interns and wasn’t a college student. He considered himself lucky to procure this internship. Like a lot of internships, this one was unpaid, so Zara had to work at a frame shop to make some money to help support himself.
While at Show Business Weekly, Zara was involved in so much more than writing and editing articles, and he and his cohorts tried desperately to keep a print magazine afloat at a time where websites and digital media were taking over.
Once his tenure with Show Business Weekly ended, Zara got a job with the International Business Times, which had some rather sketchy ownership, and Zara goes into great lengths to explain it in Uneducated. While at International Business Times, Zara got an education on how the internet was truly changing the world of media, where SEOs, going viral, the importance of social media, and clickbait are often of utmost importance. One could write an amazing article, but it meant bupkis if it didn’t grab enough eyeballs on the World Wide Web.
Though Zara gained strength as a writer and became more successful as a writer, he still felt less than those with college degrees, often feeling like an imposter of people he felt were more qualified just because they had a sheepskin. But most of his colleagues truly accepted him, not giving a shit if he didn’t have a college degree. Zara’s talent, skill, and work ethic was good enough.
But this book isn’t just about making a career in media. Uneducated is a also a love story, with Zara telling the tale of meeting his beloved wife, Christina, their courtship and ultimate marriage. In fact, I kind of want Christina to write her own memoir.
Whether your education consisted of the Ivy League or the School of Hard Knocks, Uneducated is story for all of us. It really makes you think about the importance of education, both formal and non-formal, and how much our society measures us by our credentials and degrees. But what I also like, is how Zara never looks down at anyone who does have a college degree; there is no reverse snobbery in Uneducated. Zara doesn’t look down on anyone who did go to college and obtain a degree. He realizes there are various paths we take.
Uneducated is a wonderful tale of overcoming some pretty bad odds and making a success of one’s life. I highly recommend it for the tale it tells and the amazing way it’s written.
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Directed by William Wyler and based on the Henry James novel, Washington Square, The Heiress is a drama that examines the issues of love, revenge, heartbreak, mental cruelty, wealth and class. And it does in a way that makes you think how people’s lives could be different if they were born in another time or place.
Olivia de Havilland plays Catherine Sloper, the daughter of a wealthy doctor, played by Sir Ralph Richardson. Catherine’s mother died giving birth to her, and Dr. Sloper seemingly blames Catherine for his beautiful wife’s death. Catherine, on the other hand, is plain and awkward, and her father never fails to let her know what a disappointment she is to him.
Catherine seems to be destined to live her gilded cage as a lonely spinster when Morris Townsend (Montgomery Clift) comes along. Morris is handsome and dashing. He charms Catherine and lavishes loving attention on her that she never received from her father. Catherine gains confidence and begins to bloom as Morris courts her. However, Morris is penniless, and Dr. Sloper believes he’s only with Catherine to gain access to her inheritance. He can’t imagine anyone being interested in his daughter beyond her money.
Morris asks for Catherine’s hand in marriage, telling her they can elope. But Dr. Sloper tells Catherine if she marries Morris he will disinherit her and there is no way Morris can support her. Catherine doesn’t care. She’s convinced Morris truly loves her, not her potential inheritance. Morris finds out but claims it doesn’t matter whether Catherine gets her father’s money or not. They will marry.
Catherine awaits for Morris to whisk her away and marry her. But he disappears, breaking her heart. Catherine hopes her father will show her some kind of compassion. Instead, he cuts her down with vicious remarks. Catherine tells her father she would have married Morris even if all he cared about was her inheritance. After all, being loved for one’s money is better than being not loved at all.
Time passes, and Catherine’s heart hardens Her father dies, and leaves her his entire estate. Years later, Morris returns. He went to California intent on making his fortune but comes back to New York making nothing of his life. Still, he professes his love for Catherine. He tells her he only left because he knew losing her inheritance would leave her destitute. Catherine says she forgives him. She also claims she wants to marry him. But is she telling the truth?
Morris comes back that night and that’s when Catherine gets her revenge. She was not sincere in her forgiveness. Coldly, she tells her maid to bolt the door as Morris knocks and knocks, shouting her name. Catherine’s aunt is appalled by Catherine’s behavior, bemoaning her cruelty towards Morris. Catherine turns to her and says, “I have been taught by masters.” Is she wiser or is she bitter? Perhaps she is both. The film fades with Morris still shouting Catherine’s name as she walks up a staircase.
Olivia de Havilland (who won an Oscar for this role) is brilliant as Catherine naturally conveying Catherine’s transformation from victim to victimizer. Montgomery Clift is so beautiful he takes your breath away. He’s also very adept at being a charming manipulator. You’re not surprised Catherine is drawn to him even though you want her to keep him at arm’s length. Sir Ralph Richardson is chilling as Dr. Sloper, yet you also understand he wants to protect his daughter of Morris’ less than sincere intentions.
While watching The Heiress I kept wondering how Catherine’s life could have been different if she had been born in another time. She could have earned a college education, struck out on her own and had some semblance of independence. She could gain confidence and learn to love herself, and maybe, just maybe, attract the right kind of man. Money is wonderful, but it’s not everything, and Catherine proves one can be surrounded by luxury yet be emotionally and mentally impoverished.
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