There is this idea that gay people knew they were gay from a very young age. Some were able to grasp their sexual orientation in their youth, where others were deeply in the closet for a long time. But there are also people who don’t truly realize they are gay until they are much older. Actors Meredith Baxter and Kelly McGillis came out when they were middle-aged and after they had been married to men and had children.
Not so famous, but with an important story to tell is Melissa Giberson, whose memoir Late Bloomer: Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife speaks her truth from being a married mom of two to an open lesbian happy in her truth and all the messiness and adversity in-between.
Melissa Giberson was in her gym’s locker room when she found herself captivated by a naked women applying lotion to her legs. This wasn’t a simple glance. No, Giberson was absolutely mesmerized by this woman, which caused her to ask herself, “Am I gay?”
Giberson was in her mid forties, married to her husband for nearly two decades, a devoted mother to a daughter and a son, and working as an occupational therapist. She thought she had ticked off all the boxes of adulthood. She obtained a college degree. She married a man. She had two children. And she had a good job. But why were these feelings bubbling within her? Why was she having amorous feelings towards women?
Then she met a woman named Raia, a patient at her therapy practice. A simple kiss with Raia awakened more underlining feelings and they began an affair. Giberson’s marriage to her husband wasn’t exactly hot and heavy, and she was busy with the minutiae of work, running her household, and preparing for her daughter’s bat mitzvah. This affair was a spark that inspired Giberson to learn more about her budding sexuality, realizing that maybe she had been gay all along.
Giberson, needing to understand more about what she was going through, sought out answers. She went to therapy and spoke to rabbis. And she also consulted the internet to figure more things out about being a lesbian. Still, Giberson wanted to stay true to her marriage even if it was rocky, and at the same time, she was truly envious of those who were out of the closet and embracing their true sexual orientation.
But it wasn’t long before Giberson realized she had to be true to herself. She came out to her family. Needless to say, they were gobsmacked. And Giberson and her husband began divorce proceedings. Not surprisingly, the divorce was less than amicable. And though you want Giberson to embrace her sexual orientation, you also understand her husband’s anger and bitterness. Also, being a child of divorce herself, Giberson was especially protective of her children. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.
Slowly, but surely, Giberson began accept being a lesbian and found friendship and acceptance among the LGBTQ community. And it was one woman, Vivian, who helped Giberson claim her true self despite the chaos of her divorce and navigating the dating world as a lesbian.
In the end, Giberson comes out whole and happy, but wise to the way one’s decisions can affect others and well as oneself. Late Bloomer is a memoir that is introspective and honest, and gets to the heart of accepting yourself as you truly are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
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