Book Review: Again. Again and Again-Awakening into Awareness-Essays and Stories by Mathias B. Freese

Having written reviews of two of his earlier works, I was delighted when Mathias B. Freese reached out to me to read and review his latest book Again. Again and Again: Awakening into Awareness-Essays and Stories.

Again. Again and Again is filled with Freese’s mindful and thought-provoking musings on a multitude of topics that often focus on recurrent ideas and themes. This book is divided into three parts and encompasses both essays and stories where a certain man named Matt is the main character. Among these themes include life, death, culture, schooling, love, and one’s place in the universe.

Several of Freese’s works stand out to me. In “Vade Mecum,” Freese behooves his students to think in a deeper level by assigning them a writing exercise about the contents of their refrigerators. Hmm, who knew you could find meaning amongst the milk, leftovers, and condiments?

In “Raymonde,” a young woman describes what it’s like to be in a concentration camp during World War II. She talks about the atrocities in an almost flat affect that is unnerving. Yet, I wonder if this is done as a survival mechanism.

In “Talking to Stellar Root,” Freese writes about the talks with his late wife, the beloved Nina. Ever talking about the minutiae of his daily life comforts Freese. Perhaps Nina is listening somewhere.

And in, “Cro-Magnon,” Freese offers this notable quote, “I don’t think about the future. I don’t think about the past. One is long gone, the other out there where I am not.” This reminds us that instead of obsessing over the past and wondering about the future, we must live in the here and now.

As usual, Freese’s writing is elegant and profound. Again. Again and Again is not a book that merely entertains; it also makes you think. Freese behooves the reader to always be learning and growing no matter your age.

Book Review: Nina’s Memento Mori by Mathias B. Freese

I have no doubt my much appreciated readers remember the name Mathias B. Freese. I reviewed his memoir When I’m Alone.

Mr.Freese is back with another memoir, this time about his relationship with his late second wife, Nina. This memoir is called Nina’s Memento Mori.

Two lovebirds in their.golden years, Mathias and Nina meet in a very modern way-e.harmony.com.  They bond over troubled childhoods, failedrelationships, heartbreak, shared interests, and so on. But they connected the way that knows no age-true blue love.

One way Mathias and Nina bonded was through a shared love of movies. Freese uses various film terms like fade-in, dissolve, close-up, and director’s cut. And Nina’s Memento Mori is divided into five parts:

1. Ticket, please
2. Four Takes
3. Intermission: Tesserae
4. Cutting Room
5. Coda

As a movie fan-especially of the classics-I loved this clever touch.

Throughout Nina’s Memento Mori are photographs. Some are of Nina as a little girl with blonde curls, wearing pinafores and smiling in a way that belies here problematic homelife. And then there are photos of Nina as young woman, slender and, gamine. Her face is both stoic and lovely, determined to overcome her past as only she can. She has a beauty no longer welcomed in an age of plastic Instagram models and reality show manneqins.

Freese writes in a style that is sensitive and compelling, but never maudlin and self-pitying. He writes so vividly of Nina and their marriage that I can’t help but see this book  in cinematic form. Who should play Nina? Then again perhaps Nina Memento Mori is best served not touched by celluloid. I am satisfied to see Nina in my mind’s eye.

Book Review: And Then I Am Gone-A Walk with Thoreau by Mathias B Freese

There is one thing people realize once they come to their “twilight” years. They have more of a past than a future. This is a time when they often take stock of their lives – good, the bad and the ugly. Writer, teacher and psychotherapist Mathias B. Freese is one these people, and now he shares his journey in his thoughtful memoir And Then I Am Gone: A Walk with Thoreau.

Thoreau, of course is Henry David Thoreau author of the classic Walden Pond, which many of us probably read back in high school. For Freese, Thoreau is a muse who guides him during his journey of self-examination. Ultimately Freese is asking himself, not the cliché “What is the meaning of life?” but “What is the meaning of my life.”

And Then I Am Gone is divided into two parts. Part one sets up the tone for the book and provides several chapters focusing on moving to Alabama, finding happiness with Nina, a past love affair, his relationship with his children and his own childhood, his thoughts on Trump, writer Norman Mailer, the movie Citizen Kane, and Thoreau as therapy. Part two focuses on Freese’s new life in a new home, his journey with Thoreau and coming to grips with his own mortality.

Born and bred in New York City, Freese is a secular Jewish man now living in Alabama with his southern belle, Nina, an Irish-American Roman Catholic. Not surprisingly, Freese finds country life below the Mason-Dixon line a complete cultural shock and often has difficulty navigating a world so different from the hustle and bustle of city life. However, it does force him to come to grips with his past. Freese has had success with his professional life, but his personal life was often in shambles. Childhood was difficult with a mother suffering with mental illness. Freese has been married and divorced a few times, and is also estranged from his daughter but is closer to his son Jordan.

Okay, Thoreau. Just what is life all about, hmm? Freese wants to know, You wrote a damn book about it. Surely you’ve got the goods. Now pony up!

Freese has questions and Thoreau provides answers, which often leads to Freese having more questions. Needless, say this can be quite maddening, which often leaves Freese feeling downright pessimistic.

But as I kept reading And Then I Am Gone, I thought to myself. Well, maybe we’re not always meant to have all the answers to our questions after we ask them, whether we ask Thoreau, our best friend, a therapist, our horoscope or a stranger on the street. At times those answers will leave us not exactly happy or more confused than before. Or sometimes we will find clear, concise advice or wise counsel in a time of confusion (especially in one of the most messed times in our nation’s history).

I found Freese’s book to be a true inspiration as I go through my own journey of self-exploration and after year of great difficulty, self-care. There are times I look for answers and feel nothing but despair and at times I feel true joy. We’re not supposed to solve the mysteries life and just accept things are going to be murky. At times we live life to the fullest and at times we are slackers on the couch. we should just live our lives the best we can before we are shuttled off this mortal coil.

I also appreciated Freese’s vivid style of writing. He can be a curmudgeon but he’s also wise, funny, a true storyteller. And Then I Am Gone is a treasure of a book.

Now if only I had kept that copy of Walden’s Pond….