Moranifesto by Caitlin Moran

It’s probably not a secret that I’m a fan of British pop culture critic, author, feminist and all-around cool British bird Caitlin Moran. Ms. Moran began writing about pop music when she was still a teenager growing up in a struggling family that lived in a council house and later hosted a TV show. Later Moran proved her feminist street cred via her funny, soul-searching, thought-provoking columns on everything from her budding sexuality as a teenager to her challenges combing marriage, child rearing and writing. She also writes about serious issues that affect women (and the men who love them) with the same aplomb she writes about pop culture. I’ve been a fan of hers ever since I picked up to of her earlier books Moranthology and How to Be a Woman. And her novel How to Build a Girl is a must read if you’ve ever been a teen-age girl (or, just human).

So when I found out Moran had released another book of essays, Moranifesto, I did a little jig in my leopard-spot flats and got myself a copy, which I can safely say is another feather in marvelous Ms. Moran’s chapeau! And it’s the perfect feminist elixir in a time of the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief, #marketplacefeminism, Brexit, the sad loss of pop culture icons like Bowie, and a host of other issues that affect women across the big pond and women who live in your neighborhood.

Moranifesto is divided into four distinct parts:

  1. The Twenty-first Century—Where We Live
  2. The Feminisms
  3. The Future
  4. Epilogue

In The Twenty-first Century—Where We Live, Moran examines why her utter disdain for the late Margaret Thatcher to her despair over the death of David Bowie. She muses the hatred of her printer (always a letdown for writers on a strict deadline), famous people she has annoyed and taking a rather unpleasant ride through the streets of New York City. Her chapter on her love of bacon will resonate with anyone who thinks bacon is the food of the Gods. And I adored her essay on smells that remind us of childhood—our mother’s perfume, pencil shavings, calamine lotion, puppies, lilac trees—scents that make us a wee bit nostalgic for perceived simpler times when anything and everything seemed possible.

In Feminisms Moran pokes fun at her face, which she describes part potato, part thumb and asks why we have to make everything “sexy?” She implores us to find another word for rape, her support of Hillary Clinton, giving up high heels, the most sexist TV show called “Blachman,” the type of show I hope never makes our shores, and speaking of TV, spends a day with Lena Dunham on the set of “Girls.”

And in part three, Moran looks into her crystal ball to figure out the future. In this batch of musings she claims reading is fierce yet she thinks it’s okay if her children aren’t big readers. She validates the importance of libraries. She also gets serious discussing Syria and refugees. And when she muses about women who mess things up things for the rest of us you might find yourself nodding your head in agreement.

The fourth part of Moranifesto, the epilogue, is brief, yet probably the most important part of the book. The epilogue is a letter to Moran’s daughter Lizzie. In this letter, Moran is dead (yes, a wee bit morbid). Lizzie is about the turn 13 and Moran want to share some advice Lizzie might find useful. Moran tells Lizzie “try to be nice.” Niceness will always shine and bring people to you. Also, keep in mind that when you think you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown have a cup of tea and a biscuit (British term for cookie).

Other sage wisdom, choose friends in which you can be your true self and avoid trying to fix someone or avoid someone who thinks you need fixing. Though it may difficult in our shallow culture with its fixation on women’s outer shell, make peace with your body. Make people think you are amazing conversationalist by asking them questions; what they say might prove useful one day.

And probably the most powerful piece of Moran’s letter to Lizzie can be summed up in the following sentence.

“…life divides into AMAZING ENJOYABLE TIMES and APPALLINGEXPERIENCES THAT WILL MAKE FUTURE AMAZING ANECDOTES.”

True…so true.

Throughout Moranifesto, there are essays that really got under my skin, but I can’t really share why because they are way too personal; and at times, I need to keep certain experiences close to my vest. But to give you a sneak peak, these chapters include:

  1. The Rich are Blithe
  2. Poor People are Clever
  3. Two Things Men Need to Understand About Women
  4. How I Learned About Sex
  5. Let Us Find Another Find Another Word For Rape

And some other interesting chapters I think a lot of women will find fascinating include:

  1. The Real Equality Checklist
  2. What Really Gives Me Confidence
  3. All the Lists of My Life

So my lads and lasses, grab a cuppa (cup of tea), enjoy some fish and chips (or as we call it here in Wisconsin a Friday night fish fry with French fries), ring up your mates (call your besties), and keep calm and carry on (Netflix and chill). Caitlin Moran is back and better than ever!

P.S. Moran’s sister works at a perfume shop and she let Moran smell the fragrance David Bowie wore and Moran claimed it smelled of pineapple and platinum. Well, I know what pineapple smells like, but what about platinum? What does platinum smell like? I suppose it smells cool and metallic. But this Bowie were talking about. I bet it smells warm and ever ch, ch, ch, changing to whatever we desire. For me this would smell of a special amber oil in my possession, vanilla as I pour it into some cookie batter, a match after I blow it out, the lavender growing in a mug on my window sill, freshly made bread, the pages within a book, my mother’s chicken soup, and yes, bacon.

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Writer’s Block

I hope everyone is having a fun March. I know I am. My birthday was on the second, and I spent my day treating myself. Also, my friends Nora and Elaine treated me to a mini-vacay and it couldn’t have been better. I just adore my friends, and I can’t thank them enough for making my birthday extra special.

I’ve also been dealing with some busyness in my off-line life both professionally and personally. And I also have to brag, my film-related blog, Popcorn In My Bra, is doing well, and I’m gaining followers and fans.

But don’t worry, The Book Self, is still close to my heart, so look for more reviews shortly. I just finished the latest book from Caitlin Moran, Moranifesto, and it is a knock-out! You might remember me reviewing her novel How to Build a Girl a while back.

I’m also in the middle of a delicious novel that I can’t wait to review, too. It’s film-related so I’ll also post my review to Popcorn In My Bra.

Just so happy for great books and great writers!!!

How To Build Girl by Caitlin Moran

How to Build a GirlBeing a teenage girl can really suck, and doesn’t Johanna Morrigan know it. In the opening of British columnist Caitlin Moran’s debut novel How to Build a Girl, it is 1990 and Johanna Morrigan is 14-years-old and living in a council estate (what Americans might call public housing) in Wolverhampton, England. Her family includes her would-be rock star dad who’s on disability, a mother who is suffering from post-partum depression after giving birth to twins, and her brothers, older brother Krissi and younger brother Lupin. The Morrigans struggle to survive on benefits and face a bleak future in an economically depressed England.

And if these issues aren’t enough, young Johanna has to also deal with being a fat, horny and insecure teenager with few friends and zilch romantic possibilities. A chance interview on a TV show causes Johanna to conduct herself in a rather embarrassing manner, and she is humiliated and mortified. Johanna is now desperate to change her life, but how?

By giving herself a make-over and renaming herself Dolly Wilde after Oscar Wilde’s lesbian niece, of course! She doffs a top hat, heavy eyeliner and cultivates an edgy and provocative alter ego. She starts taking out CDs from the local library, reads the best in rock and roll journalism, and fully immerses herself in a new-found musical education. Knowing she needs to make some money to help her struggling family, Johanna/Dolly somehow talks herself into writing record reviews for the rock magazine Disc & Music Echo despite having limited writing experience. However, what she lacks experience she makes up in talent and ambition.

Johanna/Dolly’s magazine colleagues sometimes treat her as an irritating kid sister, but she soon proves herself to be quite formidable as a music journalist. She attends rock concerts, gigs and parties, and ingratiates herself to musicians hoping to get the big scoop and write attention-getting features. Her record reviews are filled with witty observations and cutting opinions. Throughout How to Build a Girl Johanna/Dolly names all the top musicians of the 1990s—U2, Nirvana, Blur, Teenage Fan Club, the Stone Roses, Lush, Happy Mondays, Blur and James.

Soon Johanna/Dolly is fully immersed in the world of rock and roll. She hastily drops out of high school so she can fully focus on her budding journalistic career. Professionally, Johanna/Dolly impresses her colleagues and gets more assignments. Personally, Johanna/Dolly goes a bit crazy. She starts smoking, drinking and experimenting with drugs. She also cozies up a bit too much to some of her colleagues and the musicians she interviews in a desperate attempt to lose her virginity. Finally, Johanna/Dolly’s “V-Card” is punched and she is utterly elated. Somebody wants to have sex with her!

And soon lots of “somebodies” want to have sex with Johanna/Dolly, and she’s all-to-willing to comply. It seems she just recently had her first kiss, and now she’s compiling quite a huge list of lovers.

It is t this point of How to Build a Girl, Moran could have become a moralizing shrew and had Johanna/Dolly suffer some horrible tragedy for conducting herself like the town trollop. She could have had Johanna/Dolly suffer a brutal rape, get a rather annoying STD (or even worse, AIDS) or gotten knocked up. To my delight, Moran eschews these literary clichés, and allows Johanna/Dolly to embrace her sexuality, make mistakes that nobody would judge if she were a guy, and keeps on going while trying to mature in a world that often looks down on young women who don’t quite live up to middle class respectability.

But you know what? To hell with middle class respectability! The more I read about Johanna/Dolly’s adventures and journey to adulthood the more I liked her. Sure, she has her obnoxious moments—what teen girl doesn’t? But I cheered her on as she immersed herself into the intoxicating world of rock and roll, got her writing gig with Disc & Music Echo, met up with her favorite musicians, didn’t shy from expressing her musical opinions, admitted to being as horny as any boy, and somehow stayed devoted to her messed up family. I also felt deep compassion for her when she admitted to moments of crushing low self-esteem, family strife, embarrassing encounters of all kinds, and her struggles to connect with others.

How to Build a Girl’s Johanna Morrigan/Dolly Wilde is a vividly drawn character, both over-the-top bon vivant and down-to-earth geek. I’ve long admired Caitlin Moran as a columnist, and now I admire her as a novelist. How to Build a Girl is a literary rock star!